Je Ne Sais

Three - Reflect

A forlorn sigh escaped from my lips, misting the glass window. I realized my hands were pressed against the smooth glass, engrossed in the distant memory. 

My palms were numb, the glass having been frosted over from the morning chill.

I slid my hands back, squeaking them across the windowpane and placing them back limply into my pockets, where they chafed against the smooth corduroy of my trousers. 

As I walked back to my seat, I reminisced about the times when me and Carrie were together. I was truly happy, and my mind was content. No one else had made me feel like this, other than her. She was without a doubt, the love of my life.

I cursed myself for not realizing this sooner, and my stomach turned into wriggling eels at the thought of poor Carrie, so many wires and tubes hooked up to her, an oxygen mask on her face, oblivious to the world.

My heart lurched, and the horrifying sight seemed to never leave my mind's eye.

I tried to force myself to breathe, but my chest felt like stone, and rapid bursts of air shot their way through my lips, and it felt like pins and needles were sinking into my limbs. Ragged breaths rapidly escaped through my mouth, and red hot tears flooded my eyes, obscuring my vision.

"Oh god, Carrie-," I gasped. "I don't know-"

I broke off as I struggled to breathe. Choked sobs emerged from deep in my chest, as I fought against my spasming lungs. 

 A gut-wrenching wail resounded in the vast expanse of the hall, and after a split second, I realised it was my own.

A nurse rushed to my side, and held my shuddering frame.
"It's alright, Ma'am, breathe. Just breathe. Take a deep breath, and hold it in for a count of four. And then out through your nose, for a count of six. I'll breathe with you, alright? Come on. Breathe with me, Ma'am."

I just cried harder. It seemed as if the tears would never stop.

"It's fine." The nurse started taking deep breaths for me to follow, and held me in her arms tight. I felt her chest rise and fall methodically, and it seemed as if the sobs were slowing. The nurse loosened her grip and let me clutch the desk.

"Ma'am, will you be fine, or should I get someone else to help?"

"No- You can't tell anyo-" I immediately retorted. "Oh God! I don't-!"

I started shuddering violently and gasps of pain ripped their way through my throat, as the sobs echoed through the hall. 

White- white everywhere, nauseating, assaulting... I felt my knees buckle, and it seemed as if the world was spinning.

The ground rushed at me with antagonizing force, and the last thing that I saw was a group of nurses huddled over me, with one of them muttering something which sounded like a prayer.

Darkness surrounded me in it's warm embrace, and I succumbed to oblivion.