Through the Years (Ineffable husbands...kind of)

8. 1862, St. James Park

I began to have serious doubts about Aziraphale and I's little arrangement. I shouldn't have, I was the one who suggested it in the first place after all, and ardently supported it for centuries. But I couldn't help but wonder, what if the angel was right? What if we were caught? What would our respective sides do to us? I wasn't terribly worried about Aziraphale–no, that's not right. I was always worried about Aziraphale, getting herself into trouble of one kind of another, accidentally of course. But she was from Heaven, after all, the good side. I couldn't imagine that they would do anything so bad to her. I was another story.

I belonged to Hell. They weren't good beings, as would be expected, and could get wildly out of hand. If they knew that I was directly disobeying them...I shuddered just thinking of all the different ways they could torture me. That was why I wanted the holy water.

I reached out to Aziraphale, knowing we were both in the area, asking her to meet me at St. James Park. I knew how she loved the park, how she loved to feed the ducks, to idly stroll down the paths, taking in the sights and the people, to lay down on the grass and bask in the sun, to frolic around in the flowers when she thought no one was looking (she always miracled the flowers back, of course).

I was standing in our usual spot, dressed like, well, I kind of looked like Abraham Lincoln to be honest. I also had my now signature pair of little black sunglasses on. I stared blankly into the pond, sensing Aziraphale approaching me from the right. She stopped beside me and reached into a front pocket of something on her dress, and began throwing crumbs into the water.

I cut right to the chase. "Look, I've been thinking, what if it all goes wrong?" I asked, a small amount of fear creeping its way into my voice, against my will. I took a calming breath to steady my nerves. I continued, "We have a lot in common, you and me."

Aziraphale, like a child, obviously did not grasp the gravity of the conversation I was trying to have with her. Not yet anyway. She teasingly replied, "We may have both started off as angels, but you are fallen."

The angel liked to poke fun at me because of this, although she didn't know how much it actually hurt me. She wouldn't have done it if she knew, of course, but I couldn't tell her, I had a reputation to uphold. That didn't stop me from trying to defend myself to her, though. "I didn't really fall." I argued. "I just, you know...sauntered vaguely downwards." I could practically feel Aziraphale raising an eyebrow. I wouldn't look at her though, I was still staring out into the pond. "I need a favor." I stated.

"We already have the agreement, Crowley." Aziraphale began to say cautiously and slowly. "Stay out of each other's way. Lend a hand when needed." She was trying to play it off as though this were an ordinary thing I wanted, something mundane, but she must have realized deep down how serious I was.

"This is something else." I said, my voice laced with peril. "For if it all goes pear-shaped." Aziraphale threw some more bread to the ducks. "I like pears." She mumbled, a last attempt to turn our conversation around.

"If it all goes wrong," I persisted, "I want insurance." Aziraphale shook the last of the bread out of her pockets and shook her hands out, wiping them on her dress. "What?" She asked, very confused and lost on my meaning still.

"I wrote it all down. Walls have ears." I managed to croak out, slipping a piece of paper discreetly over to Aziraphale, who must have been gazing at me with a rather perplexed expression. I knew she would freak out in a few moments, and began rambling, "Well, not walls. Trees have ears. Ducks have ears. Do ducks have ears?" Without really thinking, I looked at some ducks. "Must do, that's how they hear other ducks."

All of the sudden, I felt Aziraphale turn her head shrewdly at me, and give me a very disappointed, disapproving look. I think she was waiting for me to say something else, but I didn't have anything else to say, and remained silent, so she said sharply, "Out of the question."

"Why not?" I demanded, bringing my eyes away from the water and over to the angel, who I hadn't really looked at yet. She had a pretty light blue and white dress, with a big skirt, and some pink flowers on the blue part. It looked very nice on her, and I'm sure her hair matched very well, but I wouldn't bring myself to look at her face.

"It would destroy you!" She exclaimed, horrified with me. Aziraphale paused, most likely analyzing thousands of years worth of interactions between us, searching for missed signs of depression. "I'm not bringing you a suicide pill, Crowley!" She added, her voice cracking.

"That's not what I want it for. Just insurance." I hurriedly corrected, pleading with the angel, looking in her eyes for the first time. I was startled to see that small tears had formed along the edges of her eyes, waiting to drip down her cheeks. The breeze came then, blowing some loose corkscrew curls, that had managed to escape Aziraphale high bun, into her eyes, giving her an excuse to angrily wipe at them and get rid of her tears.

I handed the paper back to Aziraphale, which she had thrust back at me after reading the words. She stared at those damning two words for a few more moments before bringing her arms down to her sides, crying, "I'm not an idiot, Crowley. Do you know what trouble I'd be in if...if they knew I'd been fraternizing?" I turned my head slowly, dangerously, towards the girl at that. She continued, "It's completely out of the question."

"Fraternizing?" I spat out at her. Aziraphale rolled her eyes, growing angrier by the second, correcting, "Well, whatever you wish to call it." She paused to swipe at her eyes again. "I do not think there is any point in discussing it further." She turned away from me.

She may have been mad, but I was furious. "I have lots of other people to fraternize with, angel." I said venomously. She scoffed and retaliated with, "Of course you do." With that, the angel began to walk away from me. Refusing to let her have the last word, I called out, "I don't need you!"

In a childish manner, she turned on me and snapped, "Well, and the feeling is mutual. Obviously." And with that, she stormed off for good, throwing my paper in the pond, which caught fire. "Obviously." I sneered, mimicking her. I realized that I had acted just as immaturely as she had, and bowed my head in defeat. Aziraphale and I had never fought before, not like this. I didn't know when our friendship would mend itself, or if it ever would. As I walked away, weighing these thoughts, I felt like an extra weight had been added to me.