Tomorrow I'm starting over again. 2020 has been the year in which I've lost and loved the most.
I've lost many; the few who took a piece of my tattered heart with them, in order of their departures are - my cousin, aunt, grandmother and beloved cat. The first three came as a shock, one after another, and I had a tough time trying to come to terms with, well - life and death. I'm still grieving but it feels somehow easier than the loss of my cat... Now before you judge me (or I judge myself?) let me explain why.
I could've never anticipated their sudden deaths and with Covid-19, there was no way that I could've even travelled to them in time for the funerals as we were all in different parts of the world. Unlike with my furry daughter, I watched her getting sicker day by day after getting double diagnosed with Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP) and Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD).
I'm thankful for being able to work from home, as I managed to:
1) Spend more time loving her to my heart's fullest;
2) Give her the best care possible; and
3) Do all I could to prolong her life.
I watched my fatty drastically lose half of her weight and heard her heart-breaking meows - cries for help as she seeks me out for what little comfort I could give. Nearing the end of her life, I held back tears as I held her down through her seizure, comforting her as best as I could, when all the while she just looked into my eyes sadly; sad that she has to leave this earth and worried about her hu-mom (human-mom).
I forced a smile, hugged her and told her:
1) I know it's getting hard for her to hold on and I don't want her to be in pain;
2) To not worry about me because I promise that I'll be fine someday; and
3) It's okay for her to leave me if that's what's best for her.
With that, she looked away and took one last and final breath before leaving me forever; sparing me from having to watch her life slowly leaving her beautiful sad eyes. I was shattered and broken. Even at her dying moment, she showed me love - how much she loved me.
Love between humans is not necessarily the strongest. I loved her like my own daughter, so much that it hurts that she's never coming back to me.
She came into my life and saved me from depression by showering me with her love, so I can't and I won't let myself fall again. She loved me so much that it has got to be enough for me to live my days keeping her close to my heart.
So for 2021, the only thing I wish for is strength - to endure, in honour of all the love I was given.
Love, Mia.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
