The Same

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Jaemin was fidgeting with the drawstrings of his sweatshirt, the pale yellow color hoarding his vision as the hum of elevator music distracted the business beside him. Another two dings and the businessman stepped off, giving a weird glance to the teen who had been looking at his feet for the past 2 minutes.

Jaemin let out a breath when he finally reached the 8th floor, stepping onto the ugly carpeted floor and following the arrows on the wall to Ms. Wen's office. He entered, his fidgeting fingers now moving to run over the scar on his chest, the uneven skin adding texture to his sweatshirt.

"Na Jaemin?"

"Yes."

The man at the reception desk smiled warmly at the boy. "Follow me, please." Jaemin nodded and stood. He was led into a small, homey office where a lady –no older than 35– sat, her black hair falling in waves down her back to her hips.

She smiled and bowed. "Hello Na Jaemin, I'm Ling Wen. It's very nice to meet you."

[IF YOU KNOW HER I LOVE YOU]

"I-it's nice to meet you as well, Ms. Wen."

"Please," Ling Wen gestured to a sofa on the other side of the wall, facing her. "Have a seat." She waited for Jaemin to make himself comfortable and pulled out a notepad.

"Jaemin, I know this must be scary, but think of this first meeting as an introduction. Just getting acquainted, okay?"

"Ah- okay." He smiled at her softly and she returned it. "Well, I'm finishing my first year at college. I'm uh– studying early childhood development, hoping to be a teacher." He smiled at his hands, his thumbs and pinkies poking each other without him making them.

"Jaemin?"

"Huh?" the boy looked up at Ling Wen curiously. He was like a young kid, curious and scared, but also excited.

"Tell me, are you nervous."

"Uhm...sort of?" he glanced to the side. "Not of this, just of what my roommate will say when I tell him that I came here."

"Why?"

"Well, he cares about me a lot and I don't want him to think I'm here because I'm in a bad spot."

Ling Wen nodded and wrote something down on her pad, the yellow paper blending into the old yellow of the walls behind her. "You know what therapy is, of course, don't you?"

"Yes. I'm taking psychology as another class, so I'm aware of the basics."

"I'm sure your roommate will understand," Ling Wen scribbled something else and Jaemin laughed nervously. "Tell me Jaemin, your hands, do you have a tremor?"

Jaemin looked at his hands, turning them over as if witnessing them for the first time. "I– I don't believe so. I mean, I have habits and stuff. Why?"

"I notice you've been twiddling and fidgeting with them, do you perhaps feel an emptiness?"

"In my hands?"