Love Me Different...

If you want to Love me...

Im not always an easy person to love and fight for....I'm emotional, guarded, passive aggressive, over analytical, irrational and illogical and insecure as fuck at times...and I sometimes create problems where they never existed, Im slow to trust and i jump to the worst conclusions at times, and I often feel overcome with a fear of being left....And the worse yet, I often believe that I might actually deserve to be left behind but that's all Mental...But damn it if I don't love with every single last inch of my mind, body, heart, spirit and Soul....I love deeply, completely, and in ways that few people deserve to even experience....I give away pieces of myself in abundance, i pour my heart into the hands of those I truly and unconditionally Love, which hasn't been many at all, i try my best to be a person who doesn't break hearts or hurt or harm others, and I constantly look for ways to improve myself enough to even make the people around me feel special and cared for to the best of my ability or so that i can even be ENOUGH for them... I'm a lover, and I'm known to be a fighter yes...But I'm far from perfect, but everyone is...I have scars that have ruined me completely and stories that have changed me in ways a lot of ppl will never even understand and beliefs that have made me question everyone and everything in Life...
It takes a patient and special type of person to Love me yes...but when they do i Love them back with every fiber of my being and soul...This is what i do, this is what I'll always do, because this is who i am and no matter what i will always be Anita somewhere deep down...I tend to Love fast and hard and when i do i get overwhelmed because i didn't Love slow...I give and give and then I expect too much way too soon just to be disappointed in the long run...i sink and i drown in my own emotions and fucked up thoughts of who and or what i am and what I've done and become...Ppl don't take the time to learn me and the ways that make me tick or laugh or smile or cry or hesitate or guarded or quiet or cry or hurt...at times i feel rushed and can't relax...ppl don't Live me carefully...I'm a "Thug" but I'm fragile, maybe calling myself one is a coping mechanism with a sick twisted ducked up sense of humor to display of who i truly am and helps me to heal myself in ways that others don't...I try my best to be super mindful and respectful of others but i guess they never come out that way...i am no longer left room in my heart for neglect and betrayal and carelessness...
No one wants to take the time to peel back each and every layer of who I am and know that I am often slow to open completely up or  completely give myself away from the thought of being given up on because i learn slowly...No one is up to the challenge of taking their time and getting to know who I truly am and actually understand me as a whole and as a being...There is no instant gratification with me in the beginning No...Learning to love me takes time and hard work, but yet so rewarding in the end if I'm shown I'm worth everything to you...Sometimes things have to be taken into consideration with me because I'm really gentle but guarded like a Turtle shell, I'll hide within myself to keep from being hurt because i know pain a mile away before it even reaches me...and when it comes to physical contact, the human touch is what i desire to remind me that I'm alive and that Life is worth having...I can be very distant if i don't feel anything or that a person even cares...but when i love you i love so deep and so hard and nothing else matters...when i Love you I'll think of you...when i love you I'll accept you...when i love you I'll formulate everything about you...when i love you I'll want to see you happy...when i love you I'll want what's best for you and Manifest for you more than myself...I'm different and I'm not for everyone and it takes a lot to Love me, to care for me, to handle me...giving up or folding should never be an option when it comes to Loving me...only unconditional Love is what my heart is willing to accept now...
Because again, Im not always an easy person to love and fight for....I'm emotional, guarded, passive aggressive, over analytical, irrational and illogical and insecure as fuck at times...and I sometimes create problems where they never existed, Im slow to trust and i jump to the worst conclusions at times, and I often feel overcome with a fear of being left....And the worse yet, I often believe that I might actually deserve to be left behind but that's all Mental...But damn it if I don't love with every single last inch of my mind, body, heart, spirit and Soul....