God Said No

Chapter 6

It's been a while since I've uploaded, you might want to go back and reread previous chapters.

Noah doesn't return for several days. 

Doctors and nurses come in and out, Tanya being one of them. We chat occasionally, allowing me to learn a lot about her. She has two cats (she finds the animals soothing): Salt and Pepper, whom she shows me pictures of endlessly; the color of their fur is opposite of what you expect it to be, Salt being pitch black and Pepper being snow white. "It's an inside joke between me and my roommate," she had explained, without further comment.

Every day Tanya darts in- almost excitedly, picks the bandages out of the mahogany cabinets, and rewraps my legs. My only sense of time comes when the door opens, a doctor pokes their head in, looks down at a clipboard, and flicks of the lights with a goodnight whisper. 

It's- I think- early Thursday morning when a familiar mop of dark brown hair pokes through the doorway. "Noah!" I exclaim the moment I recognize it, "how've you been, how are you?"

He seems almost taken aback at my outburst of joy, as if he's not experienced it before. "Hi.. Madeline? I think I saw that name on one of the doctors' clipboards." You could've put a flashing sign next to him with the words: "nervous out of his mind" and you would have the equivalent of what he was clearly expressing, intentional or not. 

So focused, on his body language, I forget to acknowledge his statement. "Yes, my name is Madeline, my friends call me Maddie." I stretch my hand as far as it can go to reach him, requesting a handshake. 

Noah's hand trembles slightly as he shakes mine, but his grip is firm, almost crushing. "...Nice to meet you... formally this time." 

It's clear he's uncomfortable with my sudden friendliness, and it takes me a second to realize, I am too. Where has this come from? Is it... pity? That would explain his nervousness, and as I see now, guilt. Noah's trying to push me away.

"Hey, are you ok?" I pull my hand from his to grab is arm, jerking it a bit. His eyes snap to me. Noah blinks once. Twice. Then he speaks: "I'm doing fine. Let me be." All of a sudden, he rips his arm out of mine and storms out of the room, abandoning my helping hand. 

∾∾∾

I'm left staring at the place he used to be for I don't even know how long until my hospital room door swings open once more, though this time hard enough that the knob had to have dented the cabinets next to it. It's my mo- stepmother. My mother isn't here anymore. 

Alissa starts shouting the moment her eyes find me. The words blur in my ears, this isn't new. None of this is new. None of it. 

The room isn't new, the cabinets aren't new, the bright hanging lights aren't new. This was Kennedy's room, I remember. Hell, the shouting isn't even new in this setting. After Kennedy died and they'd prettied up his body enough for us to see, we were allowed in. Alissa'd chided me right next to his body. His body. Alissa's voice is drowned out completely and the memory sucks me right back to where I don't want to be. 

∾∾∾

"You shouldn't have run out like that! I have things I need you to do, yet you take off the moment you hear that your friend is dead?! I need to much more than a corpse does!"

My stepmother has far surpassed an inside voice. I'm almost certain the whole world can hear her, never mind just the hospital. Ms. Haynes doesn't seem to hear though, too focused on the fact that her baby boy isn't with us anymore. I wince. I'm doing the best I can to keep the thoughts out, and Alissa's screaming is strangely helping. 

Her words aren't, however. I can't resist the urge anymore, and match her volume with words of my own. "Kennedy is a person! He is not a corpse, he is not just a friend either. He is my best friend and I'm never getting him back. Why don't you understand that?!"  I had thought my outburst would calm her down, overpower her, but it makes her angrier. 

Alissa grabs me by the shoulders hard, and shakes me. It feels like my brain is swishing around in the cage of my skull, I'm incapable of coherent thought. "Kennedy ripped you from me, day after day without remorse. You needed to be there with me, you're my child!" 

"Child? Child?! Hell, I'm practically your servant! All you do is order me around, all to benefit yourself. Not me, you." A tap sounds on my shoulder from behind. It's Ms. Haynes, finally out of her daze. "Madeline, let's go," she says, and I notice she doesn't bother to use my nickname. She guides me out of the room, away from my stepmother. Alissa's arms drop to her sides, no place left for them to sit. 

Just like when Noah left...