I'm crying omg
I finally got to talk to my best friend and I haven't stopped crying since we started talking
I love her so much (platonically obvi) and she reminds me a lot of Jasmine back at my program and now I miss her ahh
I want to see Marcilla again, I just want to hug her and watch Twilight together 😩😩
I mean,, I would've said yes before if I wasn't so against werewolf's but I'll do it Marcilla, I just wanna be around you YOU FUCKING QUEEN
I want to tell her about my time at boarding school and I want to hear about her life over the last year. God I missed herrr 🤧
Not to make the mood worse but I also have therapy on the 27th which happens to be the official one year since I was admitted there and now I'm crying harder
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went there, but I missed out on so much stuff. Like, the first quarantine, my cousin being born, my sisters engagement, my mothers engagement, my sisters pregnancy announcement, the death of my Uncle (I miss you Uncle Joe I'm sorry I didn't make it to the funeral, dad couldn't make it and Grandma and Granddad didn't want to make a detour. I'm sorry, I miss you)
Things just keep piling up. Another thing, I missed the drop of Calm and I missed my brother lose his job, get a new one, get laid off, then get his job back. I missed my brother get a new car. I missed my stepsisters first good grade on online school which is such an accomplishment, I always knew you could do better when you were in a better environment. I missed my dogs ratty haircut. I missed my cousins first steps. I missed literally EVERY SINGLE BIRTHDAY IN MY FAMILY! My first time home wasn't until I was there for seven months, hell, I couldn't even see my siblings on my birthday. I spent my last TWO birthdays in residential treatments. I literally missed the four year anniversary of my friends death, my first year not bringing her flowers. (I miss you Anna, even though we didn't talk much before you died, I still wish I had the honor to go with you and Angie to my first homecoming). Hell, I even missed my second homecoming! My first one was fucking hell with one of my friends choking my other friend and the fucking drunk girl that didn't even go to that school. I messed up with my girlfriend, she meant the fucking world to me and she left me because I was gone. I made the poor fucking choices to get sent away for the third time. I fuck up EVERYTHING in my life.
First, I fucked up my own BIRTH! I almost fucking killed myself when I was born, probably why I fucking want to die all the time!! I shouldn't be thinking like this, I should be happy. I'm home for gods sake! I haven't been home for good in a fucking year!! My dad and I switched rooms because I like sleeping in the cold and he likes being warm! Why the fuck am I so FUCKING DEPRESSED!!!
I'm sobbing now. My dad might wake up. I just got this phone and I might get this taken away, because I'm staying up fucking depressed reading smut about 5SOS because I just want to feel loved for once.
Fuck my life.
