swansong

© michael shirra 2021

editor/fixer-upper - Lara Shirra White

Spanish speaking English consultants - Helen and Tim Shirra 

cover by Isabel Howlett

swansong

noun - swan song :
The final performance or activity of a person's career.

e.g. - "He has decided to make this tour his swan song"
The phrase refers to an ancient Greek belief that swans sing a beautiful song just before their death. Swans famously mate for life, and typically bond even before they reach sexual maturity.

- internet

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

- Tim Vine, stand-up one-liner

chueca city, central america, 2016

Suddenly, Peggy and Bill had nothing.
No hire car, no phones, no plastic, no cash.

Everything.

Gone.

They trudged back through the maze of backstreets, dodging trash and cracked cobbles underfoot, no longer noticing beautiful bougainvillea overhead, asking the way now and then in broken Spanish, stripped of sat-nav.

'The hotel can't be far now' rallied Peggy. 'I think I recognise this street.... and do you know, I feel strangely light-headed! Quite liberating having nothing - bit of a weight off! Don't you feel that dear?'

No Bill didn't. Not in the slightest. He just felt mugged. And was deeply worried this may have triggered another of his wife's 'episodes', though hopefully her up-beat delirium was just trauma and jet-lag.

His most pressing concern though was sorting this mess out and getting the Latin American retirement adventure they'd planned and dreamed of for so many years back on track.
He couldn't believe it could be so utterly de-railed on their very first day.

The Buena Vista was just three stars - they were 'budget' travellers - but it had a lushly planted internal courtyard, screeching macaw, and enough baked brick arches for Peggy to consider this a perfect oasis in the city. She flopped by the tinkling fountain while Bill went to the reception desk.

'Señor Firth! What has happened?'

Bill was clearly looking more than a little stressed. And sweaty.
He told the whole story to Maria, who looked shocked, but also not so surprised. It wasn't the first time. And wouldn't be the last. And of course he could use the phone. And of course they could get Peggy a cup of tea.

His first call was to their neighbour in England.

'Marjorie?....Yes it's me. Listen, long story, but could you use the card we left with you to pay the hotel bill here? Can't talk now, will email you later and tell you all about it. Here's Maria, their lovely receptionist.'

Maria beamed at the flirting and heaved a huge sigh of relief. Often these mugging stories were just guests dumping the bill.

And it always struck her as strange that the ones who looked least worth it were the ones it happened to most...