If We Love

Rémi

She wakes up,dazed and confused,how did she get here?
She recalls few things,she knows her name,age,parents,girlfriend,friends,brother,...The usual.She knows what she felt like,how bad it got.And why she did what she did.Then how...how is she still here.There doesn't seem to be anyone.no one except for her.She lies back down,She can't just get up.She doesn't know where she is,what this is or how this happened.It just,kind of,did.
But how...how could it have failed,she made sure no one would find her.She jad a masterplan.She worked on it for ages!How did she mess up,she can't even kill herself right.So stupid.What would her friend think,or her girlfriend,Mira,she always tried her best to console her.How does she feel knowing where she is.It looks like a hospital.Probably a mental one.Like most you might think: 'A mental hospital?Where people are crazy,banging their head against the wall,murdering everything in sight?'
I wouldn't blame you,it's most their perception.In reality,it's just a building like most others,just with more room.Like a school almost.You learn things there too.Atleast that's what it's supposed to do.Learn you how to love,or atleast be okay with,yourself.That's the hardest part of life.Knowing you're not perfect,knowing you can't do anything about it.No one can achieve perfection,but we all still try.Some a little...too hard.They push away their health for perfection.That's another reason these things exist,get you healthy for as far as they can help with that.But their patients have to try too.If it's just the workers trying to persuade you,but you don't do anything,it simply won't work.You're there anyway,you can't just leave on your own,so you have to work,must you want to leave.
An older looking woman walks in,she looks like a nurse,but you can never be sure.Her hair is neatly tied back and her scrubs are clean.Her face looks  kind but stern.
She's saying something,but Rémi isn't listening.She doesn't hear what she's saying.Forcing herself to look in her eyes doesn't help either,it's alot worse.Eye contact has always been  hard.She had an explanation for it.Considering she's in a hospital,they probably knew.She's autistic.It's hard,really hard.She was lucky to get an early diagnosis,they tested her seeing her brother had autism as well.Both the so-called 'high-functioning' kind.Asperger's Though many,including Rémi,never liked those labels.What even decides if it's high- or low- functioning.There's verbal and non-verbal.That's pretty clear one can talks,the other can't.But is someone who can't talk,but builds intricate model trains and is a top architect high- or low-functioning.Or is someone who can talk,but struggles to find work and doesn't have a diploma high- or low-functioning?It doesn't make sense, just like her current situation