Memory Lane

My Background

I was born in the province, a very kind and yet annoying one... There were places in the province that you shouldn't pass by at night or at midst of sun rise. Yet, in the morning and after noon, it is cheerful, with children running around chasing each other, vendors selling their goods to old lads and the rest of the people, having fun.

Now, let me tell you how it all started, the very beginning of my existence.

My mother was still young and a great student... back then.
She was kind, but to her own mother, she was the opposite... 
Having a new time lover, my father. She was still new and blooming. But like those women who chose their happiness over their responsibility and dignity, she lost everything, because of me.

One night, she was out late, she told her mother that she would go to school for a school project, but what her mother didnt knew that her party animal side was about to be freed from its cage that night.

It became  almost 2 days when she went missing after that, her mother was furious about her first child being so irresponsible that she thought she ran away, and yet she did her best as a mother to find her first born child.

Her mind bursted with anger and felt of disgrace when she found her daughter laying on the ground beside a road, quickly aiding her first and trying to be calm as possible.

After that, she knew what had happened to her daughter... Raped and almost at the midst of having broken bones, what she had said in mind. 

As the mother of a soon to be mother, she went to my mother's boyfriend. Yelling and having a fight, knowing that he did it, which he admitted... he said to perform abortion, which is illegal. 
She was surprised and said "so, my daughter is only a sex toy to you? you think you can take her away and keep on jingling with her?!"

leaving the soon to be father speechless and angry, she took off and aid her child, scolding her continuously with her two other daughters, stopping her.

After for sometime of them fighting over and telling the consequences, they decided to keep the child, knowing religiously, abortion is also the act of murder to new life.
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Diary Entry ???

So far, after knowing that... I thought that I was born from pleasure,
greed, lust and bad intentions...

Knowing that my father wasn't as good as I know,
alcoholic, a smoker, an undisciplined man.
I decided o forgive him... and hoping that my mother would 
forgive him as well, along with my grandparents for doing that 
to their first child.

I knew it wasnt that easy for them to move on because
it hadn't hit me yet...
I always thought that my mother is a fun person,
but since she was young when i started to exist,
she was depressed and stopped her 
studies at her school.

And this is where the fights began... 
A childhood that I came from,
a childhood that I'm traumatized of.
And a childhood, 
That I wished was only a bad
D r e a m .

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After I was born at the hospital, the mother should feed their child after, right?
The child was raised carefully and cheerfully, knowing that the parents' background would have an effect onto the child, deciding to spoil the child and never told them what awful truth of her history of how she was born. 
They were lucky that the child never asked about their jobs, problems and such, being distracted with such toys and care from her grandmothers and aunts.
But the child... always wondered where her mother is at...
She wanted to be close to her very mother and father, seeing her dogs even having parents and her aunts, she wonder what it would be like to be with a mother.

She could only hear screams later on in the afternoon,
her grandmother and mother, yelling at each other as the threw anything the could see at each other, the child was saved many times, thanks to her aunts.

Soon, after not being able to see her mother, 
another was born, another female child of the same father and mother of the very first child.
But this time, the mother had turned depressed...
Very, depressed.

Around a year later,

that traumatizing day came for the both of the children.

The day started by seeing their mother, 
in charge for taking care of them for the day.

Of course, the two were excited to be with their mother and to make bond, they thought that it would be fun to play with their mother.

But what awaits them, 
is a memory that they will never forget.

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Screaming and crying, begging for help was heard through out the house.
Fear and hatred can be seen with in the three people,
as if the mother was slaughtering each one of them.

"SHUT UP AND EAT!!" the mother yelled at the younger child, 
the child couldn't eat, since the mother was using a spatula for a spoon.

Forcing the child to eat with it, 
the older child was frightened, she tried to stop her mother, crying and begging for her to stop hurting her sister.

"do you want to be the same as your sister?! then shut up and eat your food while i take care of her!" the mother screamed at the crying child.

In fear, the child tried her best to eat, sinking into her chair in fear.
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Dairy Entry ???

I was afraid of my mother since then,
I lost my trust in her, in fear of once I do,
I might end up in a dead end...
I can see my sister's fear in her eyes everytime my mom starts talking ever since that day,
I didnt know why my mother treated her that way,
I H A T E D H E R.

for doing such things to my sister,
She's a mother, right?.. She should treat her with care...
I regretted for not saving my sister, 
for only sitting on the chair and watching her choke my sister,
plunging a balled up towel into her mouth.


From then on, up to  today... 
I still cant trust her nor be truly happy around her.
But I am her daughter after all..
But i just wished for a better mother that day,
just wished that I'll never be like her.
N E V E R  B E L I K E H E R .

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There was another story where she never seen her sister again after sometime...
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Do you want to know?...
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Alright then...
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After that time of lunch...
the two ended up in their own room, hugging each other.

They thought that its done
That nothing else bad would happen.

But they were wrong...

It was bath time, their grandmother left to buy them food for dinner.
Leaving them again, with their mother.

The younger sibling was afraid and yet she followed orders.

the elder sibling waited, sitting on the edge of their bed and looking at the open door,
thinking what would happen if she tried to run away with her sister.

but not long, she heard a familiar scream that brought her streams of tears in her eyes.
Covering her ears as she cried, all she can do was ask for God to stop it all.

she soon looks at the door when the screams gotten louder, 
there, she saw the most unforgettable thing she'll see infront of her.

Her sister, crawling on the ground, as if her legs were torn off from her body, begging and screaming, the floor was wet from her tears, saliva and hot boiled water.
Her eyes averts to her mother, seeing a steaming kettle in her hand and continuously pouring the water on her sister's back.

And soon, that memory turned blurry at the end, not knowing what happened next.
but all she heard was her sister, screaming, her mother, yelling.

The next thing she knew, that her sister was sent to a hospital.
Leaving her alone and lonely in her room.
Her mother was out again, she never saw her since that day, 
her grandmother watching over her but turning her back to take care of other things.

The child took her toy tablet, pressing on the recording button.

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BEEP-
"someone please help us...."

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BEEP-
"Me dont want to let sister hurt....
but me cant do something...."

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BEEP-
"i dont want hurt too...."

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BEEP-
"Mama is not Mama...
i dont know Mama..."

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BEEP-
sobbing 
"Save us...."
"what are you doing? Come here you brat!"
screaming
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BEEP-

"...Lord God...
Why do you do this to us?..
Papa Jesus...
Do you still love us?.."
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