Amnesiac - A Peter Parker Story

I'm Sorry, Who Are You?

Bucky sighed as he looked at the picture in the door of his locker at SHIELD. An innocent face and honey brown eyes were smiling from it.

And to think, Bucky lost that.

He growled low in his throat and slammed the locker door closed, banging his forehead against the metal as he squeezed his eyes shut.

How did everything go so wrong?

-----

1 year earlier

Bucky watched his boyfriend fondly, a smile on his face that only Peter could bring him. They were at their favorite spot, a little tree in a park near the outskirts of Brooklyn. Peter's favorite Star Wars blanket was laid out over the dew-kissed grass, a mostly eaten picnic beside it. The two men were laid back on the blanket, Peter pointing out the different shapes he saw in the clouds while Bucky watched him.

"I love you, doll, you know that?" Bucky said suddenly, cutting Peter off mid-sentence. Peter's words stopped and his eyes flicking over to meet his lover's stormy blue ones.

"Of course I do. You tell me every day." He said, his lips stretching into a small, smitten smile.

Bucky's smile widened and he lifted his metal hand, deciding to use it for one of Peter's favorite pastimes. His fingers began to trace delicate shapes all over Peter's chest. The younger sighed happily and relaxed, closing his eyes.

"Just making sure you knew." Bucky hummed out, leaning over and kissing him softly. He was met with a happy purr and a giggle.

"I love you too, James." Peter whispered.

-----

Present

The memory stung like a fresh burn. They had been so happy. Bucky had finally felt like he could be something other than a brainwashed ex-assassin. He was just James when he was with Peter. Not Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, not the Winter Soldier, not even an Avenger. With Peter, life felt simple. Life with Peter was just them. Just them living in the moment together.

He should have known that moments had to end someday.

-----

5 months earlier

Bucky had fucked up big time.

Peter was pacing in the lounge, ranting in frustration at his boyfriend.

"How hard is it for you to understand that I love you, James?!" He said angrily, running a hand through his already messy hair. "You can't just hide this stuff from me! I'm your boyfriend, we're supposed to tell each other these things!"

Bucky hung his head. He knew the second he felt himself starting to think that way again, he should have told Peter.

But no.

He turned to alcohol instead.

"I'm sorry." He said, his voice small and vulnerable.

Peter paused in his pacing and looked over, sighing. He moved to him, straddling his lap and tapping his chin to get the man to look at him.

"No matter what, I will always love you, James. No matter the ups and downs, I will love you through it all." He whispered, running his hand through the older man's hair and staring deep into his storm blue eyes.

"I know." Bucky whispered, sighing and closing his eyes. "That's what scares me."

"Why?" Peter whispered, frowning and watching his lover's face.

"Because I know that, if the time came where I went full... Full you know, and you were the only one around to take me out... You wouldn't be able to kill me." He said, his voice cracking. "It horrifies me that... You would sooner die by my hand than kill me."

Peter had tears in his eyes as Bucky spoke.

"You're right, I'm sorry, but you're right. I could never do that to you." He whispered, sniffling and laying his forehead against Bucky's.

The two men sat in silence for a moment, just cherishing the others presence as they silently cried.

Peter was the first to speak up, his hand coming to cup Bucky's cheek.

"Let's hope that that day never comes."

-----

Present

Bucky stayed near the wall most of the party, a half empty cup of soda in his hand. He mostly just observed the partygoers with a calculating gaze. He'd been left alone until then. A young looking man with a crooked, untrustworthy smile strolled up to him from the crowd. Bucky didn't return the smile, just looking at them.

"Hey there. You seemed rather lonely over here, so I thought I'd introduce myself while my fiance grabs us drinks." The man said. Bucky regarded him for a moment.

"I don't do people much anymore." He said simply. The man chuckled and grinned. Something about the man really rubbed Bucky the wrong way.

"Fair enough. I'm Quentin Beck, but most people call me Beck." He said, then turned as someone called out to him.

"Babe, they ran out of scotch, so I got you a beer instead." Peter said as he walked up. Bucky's blood ran cold as he stared at Peter.

"Thanks, darlin'." Quentin said, pulling Peter up to his side and kissing his hair. The younger giggled happily, his eyes strangely foggy as he looked up at the man.

"P-peter?" Bucky whispered shakily, looking at him with tear-filled eyes. Quentin was smirking at Bucky, his eyes twinkling with something undistinguishable.

Peter turned and tilted his head at Bucky, frowning.

"I'm sorry... Who are you?"