Reasons

Part 3

Falling in love is a gamble, but for the right reasons, it is worth risking everything.

It is a strange feeling, watching someone from across the room and knowing they do not notice. It is even more strange, Ava reflects, that she is even watching him at all. Against the odds, Max showed up to the rehearsal and played the part of the loyal best friend, though said little. She tried to put on a brave and happy expression when Max partnered with her to walk down the aisle. Truthfully, she was even surprised that her feet could move because they felt like cooked noodles. She had not been only hyper-aware of being next to him, but she was also aware that he was hyper-aware of her presence on his arm. She walked on his left side, but she could feel him trying hard not to limp with his right prosthetic. She remembers his eyes being sharp and alert, never looking at her unless necessary. This is the mask he wears in public, but he lets it fall when they are alone.

Over the last week, he has texted her a few times and he has come over to play the PlayStation, once alone and once with Dylan. During the day, she has mostly been at Jessica's new house helping paint the walls with her mother. Max has shown up every day and helps with various jobs. It took convincing before he picked up a paint roller. In the evenings, she works on the few murals Jessica requested. A few times she has felt Max watching her, and she suspects he does not think she knows. It is strange to her that she can feel such a gravitational pull towards a person, wanting to be around them all the time, or finding herself crossing his path without even trying. Yesterday, Jessica got ahold of his hair and thankfully did not cut it to resemble Ryan's or Dylan's. She left it a little shaggy, but not shoulder-length like it was. Ava did not notice before that his hair curls at the ends. She also did not notice the color of his eyes are the color of dark sky blue just before the orange of the sunset takes over. She did not notice the way his lips press together in a line when he is fighting a smile for whatever reason, or the muscle in his jaw twitching when his prosthetic is bothering him. Now she does. She notices it all. She can see it all, and she is starting to worry that it has nothing to do with her heightened empathy.

Sitting quietly in the group of women laughing and excitedly chirping about the wedding tomorrow, Ava stares at her half-full drink. In the three hours of dinner, she has only had one. Most of the women are on a second or third glass of wine but she just has the Moscow Mule, and the guys are downing beers like they won the lottery. While the women share cringing married secrets, with Ava the only one not able to provide advice to Hazel, the men are all laughing about the good-old-days and times in the military. She supposes that Dylan and Ryan are to the point where they can discuss the past, and maybe even laugh about it, but she is not surprised when Max sneaks off little notice.

Ava finds him sitting on the railing of the front porch. He has his headphones on with one leg on the railing and his prosthetic anchoring him to the wood floor, and a lost look in his distant gaze. Hazel and Dylan had requested a family-style barbecue in their back yard, and she felt so bad for the neighbors because this group is not quiet at all when they get together. Ava moves to the bench swing and lounges back, while kicking it to move. "It must be hard, hearing them be able to laugh and talk about stuff like that." Ava questions though she has her head resting on the back of the swing and gets a nice view of the stars before the swing moves back forward. Her headphones resting, like normal, and playing a piano tune barely noticeable. Max still has her bright green pair, and she always wants to smile at how young it makes him look wearing them. Her pair is blue, and she often finds herself staring at the color more than wearing them. It is the same color as Max's eyes.

"Dylan told me once that you helped him." Ava was not expecting to hear him speak, and she fights hard not to look at him. "When he came back and lost his arm. Why did you do it?"