As I'm in my room i look in a mirror and start breaking into tears I hate myself so much. I begin to have some thoughts in my head, I can still remember going to school everyone staring at me judging me and making me feel horrible. Another thing that comes in mind is when this one person decided to turn all my so call friends against me. This girl and others ruined my life, they pushed me so hard that i began self harming and being suicidal. The attempts of suicide didn't work but i had to get on meds. Also i finally came out with the truth , i have told everyone i got raped for 7 years i thought it'd get better. It didn't get better people started rumors about me when i stopped going to school for awhile it got worse. The worst part is no one did anything about it.
I went to the emergency room because of suicide and self harm. A few months later i started homeschooling and counseling, i hated it not school but counseling. After three visits I told my mom I can't go anymore. Things kept getting harder and harder. Sometimes people don't understand how alone you can feel I've been alone ever since my family broke apart. My dad left my family when i was 6 my sister's and I aren't close . Growing up with no siblings to talk to a working mom all day and no dad was hard. After my mom and dad got divorced my mom started dating this guy, he ruined my life he raped me for years. I never said anything for awhile because my mom was happy and I actually had a family I was scared my mom would hate me if i ruined her relationship.
After a year, my mom was with a guy she was talking to before her and her ex broke up this guy is married though. I'm still living a hard life because at my house it's just my little brother,my mom, my grandma ,and me. I have a hard life because being a teen girl you go through things but all my mom has time for is work and her boyfriend. I feel like sometimes I'm raising myself my dad lives with my sister but we don't talk a lot and my mom is caught up in her own life. Now that I'm really on my own it gets me depressed and stressed I just don't know if i can do it sll alone I'm so young and I already hate the person I am.
I started going to church with my older sister, it's a Christian church it's not very big. At first I felt like an outcast but after a couple months I loved going every Sunday, worshipping God praising him and thanking him. Everyday I prayed to God to change me, to make my life a little easier he did for a little bit. I stopped cutting and stopped thinking suicidal. I met this guy at my church he's older than me but he's really nice, we started talking over Facebook then at church he became my best friend he's graduating this year so he's busy we talk sometimes when he's not so busy. He always is the one lifting my head up when it's down I thank god every day for blessing me with an amazing friend.
Over time as you can see I've been through a lot. My mom and I aren't very close anymore neither are my siblings and I. But, I tell myself everyday God only puts you through so much because he knows you can handle it . When I graduate I'll show everyone what I'm actually capable of doing , but for now i have God and my bestfriend from church to keep me going.
