Why Me?

More Than They Know

POV: Taylor

"No no no, I ended things with Sammy because she wanted more, so I moved onto Riley who knows what I'm there for and wants the same thing. I'm also talking to Cory and something will probably come of that as well." CJ acted like what she was doing was completely reasonable.

I gave her a look, not knowing how to verbally express my feelings on the topic.

"Don't look at me like that." CJ whined and looked away.

"You do whatever you want. All I ask is that you don't rub it in Lauren's face. She tried to make things better between you two and at least come to a common ground, and now you're rubbing it in."

"I didn't do that." CJ looked away once again.

"Yes, yes you did, and you know you did." I scolded my best friend once again.

"I won't do it publicly anymore. I don't mean to hurt anyone by doing what I'm doing." CJ sounded genuine, but she failed to notice one thing.

"You don't mean to hurt anyone, but you are hurting one person more than they even know." I propped my heels up on the desk and leaned back into the desk chair more.

"Who?" She tilted her head to the side slightly.

"You." I answered bluntly.

CJ bit her tongue after my comment. She knew I was right. Per usual.

Her phone let off a text notification. As long as we are connected to wifi, we can receive and send texts and calls. If not, we're off the grid. No money means we don't have cellular service. Financially, we are fucked. Our student loans are already coming after us and we had to tell them to stall it for six months and we'd pay them the difference and more after the six months, so let's hope to fucking god we make a good record deal. Between the two of us, we are nearly three-hundred-thousand dollars in student loans debt. Yeah, we're royally fucked.

"I'll be back later on tonight. Text me if you need me." CJ gave me a bullshit smile before leaving our room with her phone in hand.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "'Later on tonight', oh please. Three in the morning she'll come strolling in, take a shower, and go to bed." I spoke to myself.

A soft knock hit the door and I sighed and got up to get it. CJ probably forgot her key and something else.

Without checking the peephole, I swung the door open in annoyance till I saw who it was.

"Can I talk to you?" Lauren had tears in her eyes, threatening to fall, as her hands shook from what looked like to be anxiety.

"Um, sure. Come on in. CJ isn't here at the moment." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly at the thought. CJ just had to go hoe.

"I know. I just saw her leave. I don't want to talk to CJ." Lauren gave me a look.

I nodded my head and opened the door more, letting her in, and then put the additional security lock so CJ couldn't come strolling in randomly.

"I know you are basically CJ's sister, but I need to talk about CJ to someone who knows her." Lauren stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"I won't be biased or tell her. She's made me mad, so rant away." I motioned to the desk chair before sitting on the edge of the bed to face her.

"I just don't know what to do. Did I fuck up? Absolutely. I know I did and I fully accept that. Should I just give up or do I wait or do I try to get her to like me? I don't know what to do." Lauren put her face in her hands.

"Well, she still likes you, but instead of dealing with it she is being a hoe. She is scared of change and emotional pain. She's already been through so much that she has hundred foot steel walls up and will do whatever she can to avoid potential pain. You hurt her, I won't keep that away from you, and that raised a red flag, so she distracts herself with noncommittal hookups. I recommend gingerly putting yourself out there to her. Show her that you are still here and still want something with her." I knew my best friend like the back of my hand, and I know what needed to be done. I also know that I would do anything to get her happy again, and if Lauren does what I think she will, CJ will be again.

Lauren nodded her head.

"She isn't trying to hurt you. She is trying to run from emotions and feelings that she doesn't want to face. Just know that CJ isn't an easy person to be around all the time. She's got a temper, she's stubborn as hell, and she randomly has an impulse to do something. You can't go into a relationship with her and back out because she scares you or you don't want to deal with all of that." I made sure to cover all that I could.

"I wouldn't. I researched her disorders to see if it was something I could handle instead of being selfish and toying with her for a few weeks and leave because it was too much. I know I could do it. I really, really like CJ and she's all I can think about. I want to take care of her and be there for her." Lauren was sincere with her words.

"She hasn't been taken care of once in her life. She only allows me to support her through things, such as her blackout anger moments. It's time for someone to love and take care of her in a way that only a significant other could. I just hope you wouldn't abuse her need for that." I sighed after the short speech. It is time for CJ to be loved and taken care of. Lauren wouldn't use her. She'd go for someone with money if she wanted to use her, but she has her own.

"I promise you that I won't let you or CJ down. I already have some ideas." Lauren gave me a small smile.

"Don't be too bold or she'll kinda cower." I gave her a tip.

"I didn't plan on it, but thank you for the advice. If you guys need anything, feel free to reach out to me. I respond to texts more than calls." She stood up and I did as well.

"I will. Thank you." I offered her a much needed hug and she didn't hesitate. "CJ takes time, but she is more than worth it. She's a good person. Don't let her convince you otherwise."

"Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow for practice or dinner tonight, but I feel like CJ won't be there." Lauren pulled away from the hug and looked at her feet.

"I have my ways to make things happen. Don't worry." I shrugged.

I waited for her to leave before shooting a text to CJ.

Me: If you aren't at dinner tonight, I'll hide your favorite sweatshirt.

Within sixty seconds, she responded.

Ride or Die😈: I'll be there. Don't touch it. I'll murder you if you even think about it.

Me: If you're not, it's going in the wash with a bright red sock so it comes out pink.

Ride or Die😈: I'll end you. I will be at dinner. I promise. Just don't touch my favorite sweatshirt.

Me: Okie dokie. If you're there you have nothing to worry about.

With that she disappeared again. Dinner is in less than a hour, so she's either gotta hurry the hell up or cut it short. I doubt that she'll cut it short, but wishful thinking is never a bad thing.