Something.

Part 1

        Shiver, it’s cold. Not, just temperature wise, not because of the clothes I'm wearing, but by things. By things, I mean everything. My parents have no end bickering until they decided to call it quits. They got divorced on the 18 of December, 2014. Exactly one week from Christmas. Great. Why at that time, why?? I’ve already hated this spread of time. You know December and January period of time its kinda droopy. But, it hasn't always been. My older brother passed away four years ago. I don’t know if that was what cause my parents to bicker but it started after his death. My brother is and always has been my everything, I guess we were that rare set of siblings. If it wasn't for my brothers death we would have attended his graduation last June. I loved my brother and always will. He was my everything. I can't clarify that enough. I was and honestly still kinda am bullied. So I rarely had any friends. He was my best friend, there wasn't much of an age gap between us. I'm sixteen and he would be nineteen. We didn't have many differences. I loved him so much. He was the peacekeeper of our family. If my parents came to an argument he would always step in between to stop raging fires of our parents. I miss him so much and the things he did were perfect. He would always hug me, cuddle me, help me with school work. He carried me around the house all the time, (I'm pretty sure, I weighed more than him though). My favorite thing he did was when I would fall asleep on the couch; watching Netflix. He would always cover me in a blanket, and delicately place a nice soft kiss on my forehead and say “I love you,” and then walk away. Sometimes I was a dead dog on the couch. But, there were occasions I could hear him say the three words and I always silently said under my breath into a whisper “I love you too” but he never heard me. He is the only person I’ve ever really loved. But, it was a little too late.

       

Late, 2012 early 2013. I found something. I was scrolling through Youtube. I found, I found something. I found a source, what kind? You, ask? A happiness source, something that can make me happy. Something I haven't seen nor felt in a while. I found an average human being putting himself out there, I like that. That is good. He was perfect. From the moment I laid my eyes on him. I knew that I would find happiness someday. He gave me hope. I fell in love with him. One video, just one simple video. Changed my life. It wasn't his looks, his looks  were only a bonus. I fell in love with the way he spoke, but saying little words under his breath of insecurity. I fell in love with his voice, it calmed me. It soothed me like when you have a terrible cough and place a cough drop in your mouth carefully and feel it burn. I fell in love the way he expressed, he expressed himself by his eyes, the way he strums his guitar, the way he taps his foot, the way he gave songs meaning, I fell for his everything. The owner of this so called “everything” to me is Shawn Mendes. He’s a simple boy, from Canada. His father being Portuguese, mother being English, and his younger sister like him. The father was a bar supplier meaning he sold top items to bars for their place. His mother was a real estate agent and a little sister named Aaliyah. She is a total cutie! Four, totally basic lives. A normal boy. He went to school and hated it. He would always come home and watch YouTube videos. Shawn was a nerd (and still is), he loves Harry Potter so much. But, his only greater love was Muffins! He was a such a perfect child. But, I noticed something. He looked, he looked...broken. I know what broken looks like and feels like  I can easily tell. Because I myself am broken.  I don't know much about his past but, I can tell he is broken.