7 years - Hotchniss

five years before

He still felt like moving in trance as he walked down the never-ending hallway, feeling like the white walls were getting more narrow the more he walked.

Then he stopped a few feet in front of the door that his eyes that been fixed on all the time.

Morgan was closely behind him, as well as JJ. He still didn't recognize them, as everything was still spinning in his head, and he knew that it was just a matter of time until his ears would start ringing, too. He should've taken his pills with him, just like she had always told him to.

"How many times?", he heard JJ asking far away, the voices still muted.

"Twice", Morgan replied, his voice sounding as stump as the blonde's. "Two shots."

Hotch flinched at the sound of the two shots entering his head again.

Right. It had been two shots.

5 years ago:

"What is it?", she asked, her eyes fixed on the screen of the TV.

"What do you mean?", Aaron asked back, feeling slightly caught.

Emily smiled to herself, but didn't turn to her head to look at him. "You've been watching me for a while now", she replied. "I can feel it and I can see it from the corner of my eye. So what is it?"

Reluctantly, her boyfriend moved from the fridge over to the couch, which made her finally look at him, an amused smile on her lips.

She found it quite adorable when he was like this, but she would never tell him that. He knew though, and he didn't like it very much, as he always thought of puppies when he heard the word 'adorable' - and he was definitely not a freaking puppy.

"Are you pregnant?"

The smile on her lips dropped. "What?"

He didn't dare to repeat the question, and honestly, he wished that he hadn't asked in the first place.

"Why would you think that I am pregnant?", Emily asked, not sure whether she wanted to laugh or to cry.

"Never mind, I -"

"Aaron", the sound of her voice scared him more than he would ever admit. "Answer my question! Did I gain weight?!"

Her eyes wandered down her own body, wondering if she actually had.

"God, no", he immediately shook head. "Definitely not!" He was completely overstrained in this situation, regretting everything he had said since she had asked him about what had been on his mind.

"It's just", he was looking for the right words. "You were a bit moody in the last few days and then I realized that you haven't complained about any period cramps for a while now, so I - I was just wondering."

Almost carefully, he looked up into her eyes again. To his surprise, she didn't look mad anymore, but rather thoughtful and confused.

"So you are not pregnant?", he slowly asked.

"Not that I'm aware of", Emily replied. "But you are right, I'm actually late this month."

Silence surrounded them, and for the first time, Emily was a bit scared. She couldn't be pregnant, could she? The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Aaron's observations had been right.

"No", she then stated. "I can't be pregnant. I would different if I was, right?"

"Um, am I supposed to know the answer to that question?", Hotch asked back, causing a light chuckle to escape from Emily's lips.

"Maybe we should do a test", he then suggested quietly, not sure whether she wanted to do one or not. But she nodded.

"Probably", she sighed, then looking into his dark eyes again. "We have never actually talked about having..." She didn't finish the sentence, the word 'children' itself already freaking her out.

It was not that she didn't see themselves as parents, she knew that Hotch would be the best dad a child could ever get, but there were so many doubts and questions already on her mind. How would they be able to raise a child with their jobs? What if the time management wouldn't work? What if she messed up?

"I like the idea", Hotch then simply stated and for the split of a second, all of Emily's worries were suddenly washed away.

"You do?"

"Of course", he smiled.

"Me too", she then agreed, knowing that he was the only man she would ever want to have a baby with. "But there are so many things that could go wrong, don't you think?"

"Definitely", Hotch sighed. "But how about we first do a test tomorrow and then start worrying?"

"Okay", Emily chuckled and leaned over to rest her head on his chest. She felt how her whole body relaxed as he pressed a soft kiss to her hair; however, both of their minds were spinning.

Eventually, they weren't able to wait until the next day and Aaron drove to the next drugstore that was still open. Even though both of them had been very doubtful about a possible pregnancy, they found themselves surprisingly sad and disappointed when the test turned out to be negative. Neither of them knew why, but they had actually already started to mentally figure out how they would make it work.

"I'm sorry", Hotch sighed as he saw the disappointed look on her face.

"For what?"

"I asked whether you are pregnant", he looked down. "Maybe I shouldn't have."

"Oh, stop it", she shook her head. "You were just very observing, and I would never want you to stop being like that, okay?"

"Okay", he sighed.

Both of them looked at the negative test in Emily's hand again, neither knowing how they felt in that moment. Disappointed? Relieved? Both?
Letting out a small sigh, Emily threw the test away, just as if she wanted to get rid of the thought.

"One day", Aaron smiled as he wrapped one arm around his girlfriend. "One day we'll have a family."

"Yea", she gave him a sad smile before pecking his lips. "One day."

But what if 'one day' might be too late one day?