Extraordinarily Average

Chapter 1 : My Therapist's a Liar

When did I realize my Life was fucked... maybe it was the day my mother broke a wooden back scratcher over me, or maybe it was the day my friend spread rumors I was addicted to pain meds. Well to be honest there was probably a lot of moments, so maybe well just say it was the moment I was born onwards, I grew up in a hostile home life.

It didn't start with me, it started with my older brother and well let's just say we'd all endured a crap life, that has probably left me with a multitude of psychological and emotionality scarring triggers and coping mechanisms that have become so engrained into my very being that I don't understand how to live like a normal being by society standards.

I'll wothout a doubt screw up somewhere again in my life. I'm not dangerous to society as a whole rather to myself, and No I didn't plan this, well not entirely it was something I'd always play around with, and can even say I've made a game of it. Do I know how fucked this sounds yes...but Id imagine ways I could die, sometimes I can come up with very creative ideas. So while it wasn't planned I had every intent on going through with it. Do I regret it...No.
I do wish I hadn't failed so miserably...yes, huh maybe I do belong here.

What can I say....I gave up, grew tired of making the effort to try. I grew complacent...life became something dull and long lasting. Who was I? Just another average person. Nothing extraordinary or exemplary, although I suffer low self esteem, and as my counselor always says for every negative you find they'll always be more positive trailing behind. Inhaling the burn of the nicotine I grit my teeth what utter bullshit.

Who's he think he's talking to. I laugh and it sounds as condescending as I hoped it would. Your either in the top percentile or you average. So the bullshit lies he spews of how were all amazing we just havent found our thing is crap he's paid to peddle to the desperate wanting to be noticed. I've learned that when theres nothing good about you then theres nothing. Why hope or expect something out of life, it's all just a drag. Inhaling another puff I hear them call us in. "Fuck" stomping the half finished cigarette in the mud, I trudge my way in before they call the help.

Did we have group next? I wonder what they'll put us through this time. Either way it's not worth the wasted cigarette. "Hey Steve" I wave to the silent guard as he grumbles before slamming the door behind me. Really makes me feel at home, walking to room 7, I walk in to see all the same faces I've been seeing for the past 2 weeks. I'm honestly sick of the breakthroughs there've been, Can they cry any louder? Finding the seat closest to the door, keeping my back away from everyone.

I stand vigilant for the psychiatrists outline in the blurred door window the backwards 7 never changing. Same repeated pattern everyday, every week, for the undetermined future. Till they deam me tip top for society and the whole worlds eyes. I hate people, and i hate this stupid place. I cant hate my family....not even my mom I'm being honest, my feelings about her are pretty vague and hard to comprehend.