Dandelion Children

Chap. 22| Eli

To say that I felt like crap was an understatement.

I'd been getting high almost every day, and it was starting to take its toll on me. I felt groggy and disoriented. My days had been blending together between fuzzy memories, insane highs, and insatiable hunger. And to make matters worse, I hadn't accomplished what I wanted: to forget. Every time I came back down, I still remembered. No, forgetting wasn't the motive, keeping myself away from her was. Luckily, even when I was high I remembered not to go wandering around Aaliyah's house. I wasn't good for her.

That didn't stop me from texting her though.

I sighed as I stared at Kendall's ceiling while he was out with Ashlen. His family had been really kind to me, and I couldn't help but feel like a burden, even though I did pay for my keep despite Mrs. Leveno's many protests. I had to admit that it felt good waking up knowing that I was safe and coming back after making my dad's breakfast to see one of my own waiting for me. It felt good to have people listen to my thoughts, no matter how mundane and boring they were. It felt good to be a part of a family. But I knew I couldn't get too attached, though. Even friends that are like family outstay their welcome, and I paid very close attention to the signs of irritation or annoyance. Pulling away, slight falters in smiles, short expressions. But I hadn't caught wind of any, so it seemed like I was in the clear. Or they were really good at hiding their emotions.

I heard Mrs. Leveno rustling around downstairs, undeniably testing out her fourth new cupcake recipe this week, though I didn't mind. She could make even the worst recipe taste good, and Kendall and I were her test subjects. If she got done before Kendall came back, it would all fall on me, meaning more diabetes covered in frosting for me.

I sat up and stretched, bored out of my mind but not in the mood to do anything. I turned off Kendall's TV and pulled a hoodie over my bare torso before I made my way out of his room, passing the piles of homework that I had yet to do. "I'm taking a walk, Mrs. L," I announced.

"Okay, honey. Be safe."

"Okay." I walked out and felt the humid air wrap around me. I instantly regretted wearing a hoodie, but I didn't feel like changing. I was only going to be out for ten minutes or so.

As I walked, I felt the tension that had been building up within my muscles slowly release as I continued moving. I looked up at the sky. All the watercolor that used to decorate the clouds had been sucked away and replaced by dark blues and shy stars peeking out from behind the thinning clouds.

My mind instantly wandered to Aaliyah and her stars.

I found a light scoff push past my lips as a grin tugged at their edges. I wondered what creature Hera would turn me into for my predicament. A fox? A turtle? A wasp that was only good for hurting others?

I couldn't help but wonder what would've been my father and I's "thing". I knew it wouldn't have been stars, he was gone too much for that. Maybe sports; watching, playing, yelling at the TV together when refs made bad calls. Maybe movies, what used to be a family thing before everything fell apart.

My mind wandered to my mom-Jessica. I couldn't really call her my mom- and Ellie. Were they watching the sunset together like I was? Wrapped in each other's love-filled arms the way I wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to console the emptiness I was feeling? Was Jessica's husband with them, grinning at himself as he placed his hands on his wife's belly and looked at his perfect family? A family I wasn't a part of. A family I would never have.

In a rare occurrence, I allowed myself to be absorbed in my pity. Seconds passed then minutes until the sky was dark before I'd walked back into the Leveno residence. "Oh, Eli, honey, is that you?" Mrs. Leveno excitedly asked from the kitchen.