The Diary of the Forgotten

Maglor

As one of the Feanorian, I had their hate on me. With them I mean everyone else, dead and in the Halls of Mandos or living somewhere in Arda.

I managed to get to the end of the Second Age, until the life got too unbearable and I drowned myself. I went the same way as the Silmaril I once held in my hand. For some reason I jumped from the same cliff I'd thrown the Silmaril into the Sea.

Ulmo's realm was calm and peaceful, it promised me something else than this hell called "being alive". I breathed in water with relaxation. I liked the way it burned and drowned the life out of me. Masochistic way of liking something, that was.

In the end it was just Maedhros and me left of the seven sons of Feanor. When Maedhros killed himself, taked a final jump to the heart of the earth, taking the Silmaril with him to the fire, I started to compose songs to tell the world I was sorry for what I did.

I didn't have my words left. I couldn't speak, only sing and play. Music was my only way of showing my regret and pain, I had no tears left, I'd weeped them all out. Sometimes, I was almost sure that Ulmo was listening me, and maybe, just maybe, forgiving me.

I feel peace here, in the Halls of Mandos. I'm the only one of my family feeling that way. Not peace with the world, but peace with myself. Somehow ending my own life made it easier to go to the people I killed and tell them how sorry I was.

First they looked at me in disgust, but after a couple of Ages they told me that they had forgiven. That of course made me feel twice as awful, I'd killed people, this noble people. This good people.

It was hard to apologize, knowing that I wouldn't get any mercy, but telling them made me feel peace. First time for thousands of years. Tens of thousands of years.

And then, one day, the unexplainable happened.

Mandos come to me, and told me that the teleri and other people I had killed had begged for forgiveness, begged that I would be released back to life. I started crying, mentally of course, because I had no body in the Halls.

Now I'm feeling the Sun warming my skin. The soft tickle of grass underneath me. Feeling myself breathing, my heart beating.

I'm alive.

I open my eyes, blinding myself with looking straight to the Sun, and taking a deep breath I manage to whisper:

Thank you.