still friends?

one

a/n: i'm so incredibly excited for this book and i hope it lives up to your standards.

i first made this a pov series on my tiktok (tickleme3lmob) and millie gave me the idea to turn it into a book, so credit to them!

if there's anything you want to see or have me add please let me know! i love reading comments and votes are always appreciated! ❤️

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"Billie I told you, I'm not coming to the Grammys. Way too many people will be looking at me," I said sternly while trying to avoid Billies figure as she changes her shirt.

See, Billie and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I was homeschooled and she was homeschooled. We met at a local children's choir and had a lot in common. We've grown up together, but it's gotten harder as her fame has gotten bigger.

I hate being seen. All my social media has always been private. Her fans only know my name and have seen my face in a few pictures. I don't go out anywhere with Billie, which makes things difficult but I'm okay with it. I love Billie and I don't care if we can't get shitty gas station candy at 11 pm together anymore.

"Millie it's in three weeks from now, at least think about it" Billie pleaded and sat next to me on the bed.

"I already have" I mumbled.

"Whatever, let's just watch something"

I don't know why Billie is so pressed about me not coming to the Grammys with her. Obviously, I'm extremely proud of her and want to support her. The Grammys though? I'd be an embarrassment, I'd be tripping over my dress and star-struck the whole time.

It's funny, you'd think after having a famous best friend you wouldn't be starstruck anymore, but I definitely do get star struck. One time Billie had Arianna Grande come to the studio with her and Finneas. I didn't know she was coming. I basically sat there like a potato, staring the whole time, like I said...an embarrassment.

Billie's always understood me not wanting to be seen. If people knew I was her best friend I'd be bombarded with questions and maybe even ask for pictures in public. Yes, I feel slightly guilty for saying that because that's what Billie receives, except a million times worse than what I would get.

Ever since she found out she's going to the Grammys, she's been begging me to come. I get it, it's exciting but... no thanks.

Billies family is my family and my 'real' family is her family. It's no shock to either of our parents when one of us is at the others house. I prefer to stay at Billie's house though. My parents are sweet and everything but I'm constantly reminded of our differences in beliefs when I'm at home.

My parents are a little religious, nothing extreme. We don't go to church but they do own a bible. They believe every word it says, including the part where it apparently says being gay is a sin.
My argument is, 'everybody sins every day right? Even Christians. So what difference does being gay make?' According to an old friend, that isn't a good argument.

No one knows I'm gay. Not a single soul. I know for a fact that my parents would kick me out. It's weird because they hear me swear, they hear me talk about things and they don't care less what I choose to wear or post online, but when it comes to girls kissing girls or boys kissing boys, that's where they draw the line.

I've wanted to come out for years but it's just not a good idea. The only place I would be able to stay is Billies and that's a bit of a problem, but we'll get to that later.

When Billie and I were fifteen she had texted me telling me she needed to come over to tell me something. Luckily we only live two houses down from each other so she simply ran over to my house and into my room. Her exact words were "I just lost my virginity." She was so excited. I didn't understand why at the time, but it made me sad.
I hadn't realized I was into girls and I hadn't realized, I was into her.

Billie has always been a naturally flirty and touchy person. Her love language is touch. That doesn't always have to mean sexually. It can be as simple as giving a hug, patting your back or linking arms. Billie always likes to cuddle and ever since my realization at the age of sixteen, it's been hard.

When we're cuddling, all I want to do is grab her and smash my lips onto hers. I can't change the way I act around her so I just let her cuddle me but my urge is getting stronger and stronger the older we get.

Billies never been clear about her sexuality. Well she's clear about liking guys and hooking up with them. But when it comes to girls, there's a gray area. She always calls them hot and she says she 'loves boobs' but she never says more then that. I don't know if she's hooked up with a girl, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has.

"Millie" Billie snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Oh, uh yeah?" I cleared my throat.

"I said I gotta go but you can stay the night"

"It's like... midnight" I furrowed my brows.

"Dick appointment" she smirked with a wink before grabbing her bag and walking towards her door.

"Dont get pregnant" I joked but didn't put a joking tone into it.

"No promises" she shouted before slamming the door shut.

I looked around the red lit room and sighed, laying my head on her pillow and taking a deep breath, smelling her scent. Okay maybe I'm a little creepy, but it wouldn't be creepy if she was my girlfriend.
She always smells like warm vanilla and so does her pillow.

This isn't the first time this has happened. There's been a couple of occasions where I was staying the night at Billies but she left to go hook up with someone.

God, I wish that someone was me.

Here's the truth about my sexual 'past', if you can even call it that.

I had my first kiss when I was sixteen, it was with a guy and I hated it. For a while I thought I just hated it because I didn't know how to kiss, but after a few more kisses and a make out session, I realized I didn't like kissing. That is until Maddie came around.

I have always thought girls were hot and attractive, just like Billie. But I didn't know I was actually into them until I decided to set up a dating profile for the hell of it.

This girl named Maddie was so incredibly sweet that I actually had the guts to go meet up with her. We made out in her car, the making out led to her eating me out and then me returning the favour.

She moved away, but after that night, I knew I was definitely gay.

Then at one point Billie wouldn't shut up about porn so I figured I'd try it. So yeah I started watching lesbian porn and got myself off.

That's my experience, not much at all but I haven't found a girl I'm comfortable with. Other then Billie. Let me take that back, I'd be really fucking nervous with Billie but I trust her and I think me and her would have fun.

I was fast asleep when I felt arms wrap around me and the oh so familiar vanilla scent filled my nostrils.

"Was it good?" I mumbled, half asleep.

"Meh" she shrugged, kissing my cheek and laying her head down.

Well what's 'meh' supposed to mean?

a/n: i literally always HATE my first chapters. hopefully this book turns out okay.

again lemme know anything you want to see or any character quirks, smut situations, literally anything.