Punk Edits in Real Life

Chapter 6

Committing suicide isn't about killing yourself, it's about killing the pain.

Phil's POV

Should I call and talk to someone about Dan? Should I call a therapist?

No Dan would kill me for that. God I wish I knew exactly what was wrong with him. Why the hell would he cut himself. Was he really that depressed about something? Why hadn't I talked to him yet? Stupid Phil always being happy and joyful instead of paying attention to how much we ate out or if he was paying attention to me as much as I was him.

I went on the couch and laid my head into the pillow. I wanted to scream, but of course that would wake Dan up and the neighbor's would think that I was murdering someone. I close my eyes just so I can escape reality for a while.

Dan's POV

How am I supposed to sleep now? Phil just kissed my shoulder. Or what if it was just his hand patting me. No definitely a kiss.

No that's not possible, I was probably just dreaming or hallucinating. I felt so anxious, is there a possibility that Phil actually has feelings for me?

I get out of bed. I need to talk to Phil. I need to tell him the truth, no matter if he does or doesn't have the same feelings for me. I get up, no I can't do this, I sit back down. No Dan you have too. After about ten minutes of arguing with myself I finally get up, when I reach the door I feel my hand shaking as I grab the door handle. You can do this.

I go out to the living room Phil's on the couch. "Hey Phil... Are you asleep?" I hear him grunt "No Dan what's up are you feeling better do you want to talk?" I tug my shirt and lean back a little. No I don't have anything to say. I can't do this. "No not real-I mean yes Phil, I need to talk to you." I slowly walk over to the couch. I sit down right next to him. His hair was so cute and messy. Dan stop distracting yourself pay attention.

"Dan before you start talking, I just want to say that you are my best friend. If anything happened to you, it would kill me, because I would know that I could have stopped you in some way.

Best Friend. Those two words cut into my stomach like a knife. God I can't do this. I feel pain building up inside me. Don't Cry, Don't FUCKING cry. I am watching him slowly, I'm not listening to anything that he's saying.

What am I doing? He's talking rapidly and his lips look so kissable right now. I lean up and grab his neck and begin to kiss him.

No.

Why did I do that? But his lips are so soft. I feel fireworks. This is the best thing in the world. I always thought about this for hours upon hours, I never thought it would be this great.

I start to lean over to kiss him more, when he pulls away. Shit.

NO. This is what I knew was coming. WHY did I just KISS him? Fuck.

I pull back quickly too. He's looking at me, he hasn't said anything. I can't look at him. I am looking at my hands. I keep glancing up, he's just sitting there giving the deer in the headlights look.

Why did I do that? Fuck, I wasn't even thinking, my emotions just took over me. It felt like time had stopped. He wouldn't move. I was just sitting there not even looking up at him. Why isn't he talking?

The whole world is crumbling down around me. This is my worst nightmare. My first actual best friend and I go and ruin it by falling in love with him. Idiot. He's still looking at me without talking. I feel tears running down my face. I take the opportunity. I run to the bathroom and lock the door.

I search the cabinet for things. There's more ibuprofen, fuck only two tablets. There's tons and tons of tooth paste. Could that kill me? Ha. No Dan it will just make your mouth smell like you are chewing every single piece of gum in the world.

Wait whats that? It's one of Phil's prescription bottles. Perfect. It doesn't have a label, but inside is about a hundred white capsules.

I start swallowing as many as I can. Phil begin's knocking on the door."Dan I know what you are trying to do, it won't work." I stop. What? I am killing myself with probably some OCD perscription thing that Phil got awhile ago. "WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T IT WORK? I AM TAKING THE WHOLE BOTTLE! You don't understand Phil. I love you, and you don't love me back so just wait out there and then call the police in about ten minutes, because I can't live knowing that you don't love me." I am crying, I am almost done, I have ten more left.

Okay well be ready for the next chapter because yea, and also don't forget to vote for it if you enjoyed it! Also if you want to know when the next update is either follow me on here or instagram @benedict_cumbercat