Dear Arizona...

Dear Arizona,

I am so sorry that I have to do this, and I honestly never thought I would. You deserve so much more than a letter. The truth is, it isn't about you. This has nothing to do with Jo, or Mer, or Bailey...it's about me. Arizona, you are honestly one of the most important and best people that I have ever met. When I first saw you, oh trust me, I would have never thought you would ever shape me into the person I am today. I mean come on, you were a freakin' grown woman riding around the hospital in roller skates. You were all about the rainbows, and sunshine, and unicorn crap or whatever. But you inspired me Arizona. You shaped me into an incredible surgeon and I wouldn't trade my experience with you for the world. The almost 10 years that we spent together brought out so much. The amount of things that we have been through and have overcome is honestly unbelievable. I know, I should have been on the plane, and I still feel guilty that I wasn't. You didn't deserve to be in the woods, nobody did. I still imagine what it would be like if it was me. If you had never taken my place that day. You're probably wondering why I am writing all of this. Where did I go? When am I coming back to Grey Sloan? I'm not. This is the part of the letter where you're going to dial my phone and leave a million voicemails convincing me to come back. I can already hear your voice, "Alex, I need you!" "I need you in my life, you made me better!" I know. I need you too. You made me better. But I can't come back, because I left, and I'm with Izzie. You're shocked, I know...after she left me with a letter 9 years ago, now I'm doing the same thing to you. But Arizona, she has my kids...our  kids. I was going through a rough patch, so I decided to call her. If I'm being honest, I didn't even think she would pick up the phone. As soon as I heard her voice, all the memories just came back to me. We started talking, and I heard singing that seemed to be coming from another room in her house. I asked her if she had kids, and she paused and said "yes"..."our kids".  Our kids Arizona, our kids! Like I said, it isn't about you, or Mer, or Jo...it's not even about Izzie. But it's about our kids, who didn't even have a father until now! I know this probably doesn't mean a lot to you, considering I know how pissed you are right now. She left me the same way that I am leaving all of you. And I'm sorry, and you know I would never want to hurt you. I can't believe I am doing this, because you are all my family. Zola won't have her "Uncle Alex", and Meredith won't have her "person", or whatever crap like that she likes to call me. I need you to watch over them for me. Keep telling them that is is not about them, and this is for my own good. I promised Jo I would never hurt her, I kept telling her that I would love her forever...I love Jo so much. And, if it was a choice between my wife and a woman that happened to have kids in Kansas, I'd choose my wife, because what kind of sick person wouldn't. But it isn't just random kids, they're mine. They deserve to have the best possible father that they could ever have. Arizona, I just want to say thank you. I love how you are always smiling, and always positive and sweet. I'm really not sure how to end this, and I don't want to. Thank you for making me rise into an incredible pediatric surgeon...and person.I learned so much from you, and if I listed everything my hand would probably give out. This letter could never compare to the amount you have done for me in the past 10 years. I love you so much Arizona...goodbye.