Her Love

Blank Space

A/N Note: This story takes place a couple of months after Yoontae's birth. Enjoy this birthday update that was supposed to come out in January. I turned 18 finally!

You closed your eyes and laid your head against the cold glass of your bay window. You focused on the sound of rain pattering against the transparent panels and the bass-like echo reverberating from the grey sky above. It had been raining heavily for the past four days, and you were there to observe it all. As much as many people enjoy the presence of rain, not many sit at the window for hours at a time every day watching, not moving an inch. 

Of course, this behavior had nothing to do with the rain. It had been like this for months now. You remember feeling okay after the birth of your son, a little different, a little empty, but fine. In the days that followed, however, you and many others noticed the acute change. You were withdrawn; you ate little but slept so much. You cried in corners of the house where you thought no one would see. You couldn't explain how you felt, and you didn't expect anyone else to understand. You just wanted to be alone, away from Yeri, the boys, Taehyung.... and that child, especially the baby.

You know it was wrong. That it wasn't natural for a mother to avoid her child, but you couldn't help it. It wasn't that you hated the baby. You just didn't like it. You wouldn't dare say that to Tae though. He'd think that you were a monster.

"Postpartum depression..."

The doctor's words echoed in your head as you adjusted your position on the windowsill.  You didn't know what all that entailed and what makes it different from regular depression, but you know that it's been hard on everyone else too. In the reflection of the window, you could see Taehyung watching you from where he stood in the doorway to your master bedroom. You could tell by his expression that he felt defeated, but you made no sign that you acknowledged his presence in the room and you offered him no comfort. How could you? You couldn't even help yourself.

A throat cleared behind you and you finally turned to face the tiger hybrid you married. 

He was looking down on you with saddened eyes. It was obvious he was trying to keep a straight face but you could see right through it. 

"Yes?"

He winced at the sound of your voice. You hadn't meant to sound so impatient; the words just came out all wrong. Of course, he didn't take it that way.

Taehyung's ears drooped slightly and mumbled a slight apology before continuing with what he had to say.

"The baby is hungry," he said, looking into your eyes once more, " Would you like to feed him yourself this time?"

As it was, you didn't want to, but hearing the desperation in your husband's voice convinced you just this once.

You shrugged and looked back outside to the nearly flooded lawn, "Sure, bring it here."

The sound of Taehyung's hurried footsteps let you know that you had given him hope. Probably not the best thing since there was no end in sight to this state of mind you were in, but people need a little every now and then. When Taehyung returned, you waited until the baby was placed in your arms. It was swaddled in the nice linen blankets President Kim had gifted you and a bit on the small side. Its face was partially covered to the point that you could really only see its hair and fluffy ears poking out the sides. Pulling back the covering, Yoontae's glimmering dark eyes lit up immediately upon recognizing his mother. The woman he hadn't seen face to face in nearly a week. The maids had been doing their best bottle feeding him with the milk you expressed and sent out, but nothing compared to when he got to be with his mother during this intimate time.

The feelings were not reciprocated.

The creature squirmed around in excitement as you readied yourself to be suckled. The thing giggled, hunger long forgotten, just basking in the presence of his mother. Out of frustration, you almost handed Yoontae back to his father, but you didn't feel like disappointing him today. 

Taehyung watched as Y/n, rather unemotionally, nursed their child. He felt hurt for both himself and his son. He tried his hardest to understand why his wife was acting this way and why she refused to bond with Yoontae despite his efforts. But it was all in vain. It was draining. Not only was he doing all of the work outside the home, he felt like he was a single parent as well. He loved Y/n, those feelings hadn't changed, but it was getting harder and harder to come home every night to someone who treated him like a stranger.  

Unedited