Awaited Love

Awaited Love Part 1

I have always loved the idea of being tickled. It seemed so playful, yet so torturous. Often, I would imagine fingers running up my sides as I giggled hysterically. These fantasies of mine were often so real as I layed in my bed: Opening up my favorite tickling porn website I would be transported to a new, comforting place. A place I longed to be so badly that my crotch could not keep from bulging. That feeling became so strong that my right hand would reach into my athletic pants, and I would begin to stroke my member. The feeling was indescribable. It felt so good. Each stroke evoked a lovable sexaul pleasure in my groin. I stroked faster and faster and the laughter of the ticklee got louder and louder. I became closer and closer, and then it happened. Suddenly, I was transported out of my fantasy and back to my teenage bedroom. It was like a prison in there. Trapped in a place I so desperately wanted to escape. Living a lie. Wanting something and someone.

Being a closeted, gay teen is not by any means easy. You so desperately want to love who you love, but can't for fear of rejection. Yet my room at times feels like a prison in a lie, it is often my only escape. There I escape to life I imagine and want so badly. I imagine a day on the beach with my lover. He holds tight and kisses me so passionately, but soon I realize the sexy man I am kissing is just my pillow. Ding! I shake my head and turn towards my phone. I see that I have a new text message from Alden

Alden: Hey Do you wanna hang tonight? My gf just broke up and I really could talk to someone

Me: Dang Bro I'm sorry sure I don't have anything better to do

Alden: Wanna meet at the lake? It is so pretty there at night. I could really use it right now

Me: Of course. Let's meet around 9?

Alden: :)

I was so excited to spend some time with Alden tonight, since I had a huge crush on him. Alden and I had a complex friendship. We weren't best friends but we were not just friends either. There was always something more there. I just have never known what that "more" was. He is the only one that knows I am gay. We have actually kissed once, but nothing more came of it, and we never talked about it much, yet I knew it had changed our relationship to a more intimate one. We always flock to each other in times of sorrow. It seems that when we are together our wounds are healed and the rest of the world just falls away. The problems that seem so big just dissipate and the only thing that matters is us. I love him, I really do, and I know he loves me, but that is what makes our relationship even more complicated. We just don't know what we are to each other.

Alden and I met in 9th grade. We passed each other in the hallway, and I was busy staring at him. He had flowing dirty blond hair, toned body, and beautiful silver-blue eyes. I loved his cute smile and gentle, yet manly, demeanor. He never slouched and never let anything get to him. He was strong and confident and that is why I admire him. That day I dropped my books, and he stopped to help me pick them up. "Hey, here you go" he said to me. "Thanks" I replied as he handed me my Biology textbook. He asked me what my name was and I told him "Hudson" and he told me his. We exchanged numbers there, and we hung out for the first time that weekend. I never knew why he wanted to hang out with me. I never knew why he felt the need to stop to help me, but I guess he saw something in me that I had never seen myself.

Alden is my solid rock. The one I can always go to when things get tough. The one I can lay my head on his shoulder and cry, the one that will always be there to embrace me. Yet, I want there to be more, because I know there is. I crave the day I get to call him my own. The day I lose my virginity with him. The day we make love until we can't anymore. I want him. I want him to fill dreams and my fetishes.

It was getting to be around 8:30 p.m., when I left my fantasy of Alden. I walked downstairs and out the door. My parents were gone, doing something, and they figured I would be out anyway, so they didn't expect me to be back anytime soon, if at all that evening. I opened the door to my Mercedes sedan, and drove off down the road towards the lake. The sun had finally dipped below the horizon. The sun set so late during the Midwest summer, but I didn't mind at all. The drive went by quickly, and I arrived at the lake. Alden was already there waiting for me.