Smoking

Layla- Home

It's cold outside today, windy too. My hoodie never seems thick enough at times like these. My ears feel like they're about to fall off. I pull my hood up over my head. I can feel my curly hair frizzing up against the inside of my hood. I push my glasses up on my face, they're always falling down. I'm so happy to be home. I hated military school. I spent the entirety of junior year there and half of my senior year. At least I'll get to finish the year with my friends. If they remember me.

I'm on my way to the park because I know Matthew likes to go there on Saturdays and I missed him terribly while I was away. He is the absolute love of my life. I hope he's there because I don't know what I'll do if he isn't. Maybe I'll get my mom to drive me to his house, I don't have my driver's license so I can't drive myself.

As I'm walking I can see little pink ribbons tied on all of the trees along the path, marking them to be removed. I heard that the city was going to clear the whole park. I can't imagine why. The park is so beautiful. Not to mention this place has nothing else going for it other than this little park.

I'm so excited to see Matt. He'll probably be surprised to see me. I was going to finish out my senior year at Oak Ridge Military Academy for girls, but my mother had recently divorced my step dad. It was his idea to send me away when he caught me smoking outside of the gas station down the street. I could tell he had been planning to send me away for a long time but couldn't find a good reason. He jumped at the opportunity to ship me off. I'm glad he's gone and I hope I never see him again.

Matt will be shocked but I know he'll be happy to see me again. He loves me and I love him. I haven't really gotten to talk to him since two nights before I left. Two days before I left for military school I had planned to kill myself. I couldn't do anything about being sent away and even if I could staying home wouldn't be any better. My step dad was a jerk, my mom was a total mess, my brother had graduated and moved away; I was completely alone and stuck in a mess that I had created. I was self-harming, I was smoking a shit load of cigarettes a day, I never slept anymore. I couldn't handle anything that was going on around me. I called Matthew and told him I loved him; he confessed that he'd loved me since the eighth grade. I told him that I was never going to see him again and said that I was sorry. He laughed and said that I wasn't going to be at military school forever and I, semi-drunk, decided to tell him that I was planning on shooting myself by the lake.

I had my step dad's pistol in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other when he arrived. He told me that he loved me and kissed me. He stayed with me while I cried. After a while he drove me home. I made him stay with me. He promised me that he wouldn't even look at another girl while I was gone because I was the only one for him. In the morning he had left and my parents made me start packing my bags for military school. That night was the last time I saw him.

I've finally arrived at the park after the long and freezing journey from my house. I can see him, he's here! "Matthew! Matthew it's me Layla!" I call out to him while waving my arms. I've never been so happy to see someone in my entire life.

"Layla?" his eyes widen and he runs up to me, "When did you get back from military school? I thought you weren't coming back until the end of the year."

"Last night, my mom finally broke up with that ass who sent me away and decided it was time for me to come back," I say hugging him. He's gotten so much taller. I've only been gone for a year and a half and he's almost as tall as me now. When I left he was eight inches shorter than me. Not only as he gotten taller but he's obviously been working out too. Maybe he was getting buff for me while I was gone.

"I'm glad you're back I missed you so much!" he says to me. I can't stop smiling I'm so happy to be back. I'm so happy to be with Matt.

"I want to talk to you alone Matthew," I haven't really talked to him since that night before I left. I wrote him letters and he wrote back, but they read our letters before they sent them at Oak Ridge, so I couldn't tell him any of the things that I wanted to.

"Okay, we can hang out tonight at my house. My mom has to work late and my dad's away on business so we can be alone,"

"I've missed you so much, I lov-"

"Matthew who's this?" I hear a voice behind me say. I turn to look and discover a blonde girl standing behind me. She's about a six inches shorter than me and is just all around tiny. She looks me up and down and makes a disgusting face of disapproval.

"Oh, Sandra, this is Layla," Matthew says pushing me away and walking closer to her. He kisses her and introduces us, "She got back from military school last night and I haven't seen her in a year, we were just catching up."

"Oh good, I was worried that she was some tramp from Luke Bridge flirting with you," she says with a relieved look on her face, " But now that I know she's a lesbian I feel much better."

I start to laugh and she just stares at me. "Oh you were serious? What makes you think I'm a lesbian?"

"You went to military school, and there's no other logical explanation for what you're wearing," she says and I stand silently looking at her.

"I'm not gay," I say cracking a smile. She glares at me, Matthew puts his arm around her. I watch as she leans in and whispers something in his ear. I can't hear what she's saying but I can tell it's about me. Matthew whispers something back about how we're just friend's but I can't quite tell what he's saying.

"I hate to ditch you already Layla, but me and San have reservations at Juliano's and we're gonna be late if we don't leave now," Matthew says as Sandra starts to walk away. He shoots me a sad smile and reaches for my hand. "I'll pick you up at six o'clock?"

"Okie dokie," I say back. He tells me he loves me and I don't know what to say anymore. I pull my hand away and tell him I'll talk to him later. I was so sure he loved me but now I'm so confused. None of that went even sort of how I'd expected. How could he have a girlfriend? He told me he would wait for me to come back.

I wave as they drive away. I sit on the swings alone for an hour because if I go back now my mom will know something happened.

When I get home I find that my mom isn't home. She left a note on the counter next to a half empty box of pizza. I'll be home at about 9:30. If you aren't planning on being home at that time please leave me a note telling me where you are. I hope things went well with Matt. Kisses, Mom. I go up to my room and find my old stash of cigarettes under my mattress. I'm shocked that it's still there. I sigh to myself as I walk to the backyard. "I love you Layla, but this chick is hotter than you so I decided to fuck her while you were gone," I mumble imitating Matthew as I light a cigarette.