MaryAn and Will

Chapter Three

Mary AN

Dear Diary

For as long as I can remember I've lived my life in a grey area. That's what being liked by Will means. It means that he will save me from punishment even when I seek it. It means my own people will look upon me in disgust, that they won't accept me because I am not like them but Wills' people would never accept me because I am definitely not like them. That's how I have lived my life, in the grey area.

Always being protected made me defiant. Maybe I loved the bittersweetness of knowing no one would ever actually lay a hand on me when Will was there. That I could lash out at my surroundings with no consequence. That despite the fact that horrors surrounded me in my daily life, that those were my people being hung and beaten, I still had some virtue. No one would lay a hand on my pretty little head as Will had often described it. I suppose I've suspected his love for a long while. That I knew what was there beneath the exterior that marked him as the enemy.

I suppose that's why I stepped into the perverted man's arms. I didn't want my people to scorn me. Their eyes had given me the all too familiar pointed gazes. I could hear them mocking me. They thought I'd done it again. Managed to have the same skin as them but avoid the cruelty due to me. So I stepped into his arms even though I knew it was probably shattering Will. The last thing I should concern myself with is a selfish boy who can't see the world outside of his diluted fantasy. It's a beautiful fantasy, but bitter, the kind that is similar to a dream you know you are enjoying but you also know will only ever be a dream. With the arrival of his uncle, we were all ripped from that dream. My people deserved to rest for a while more. After all, I'd lived in the dream for seventeen years, it's time I took what was due to me.  So that I could escape being trapped as neither friend nor enemy. 

Needs to be broken

His words echo in my head, as he sneers at Will who regards me with a betrayed look in his eyes. How extremely naive of him. I'd slept in his bed beside him, we have had every opportunity and yet it has never happened. I suppose that he has not reached that level of curiosity. 

Is the black girl different in this manner? Is this what makes them different? 

For a while, I can only stare into his pretty blue eyes that are usually kind but have narrowed into slits in the way that he looks at his uncle. His arm rests around my waist, grip too tight to be comfortable. The others look at me with a new gleam in their eyes. They pretend to be occupied but I know them. I am them, they are watching. I am making my people proud. Being useful. 

How could I have known at that moment? That I was just as naive as Will. That had I known I might have stayed. I might have ignored the look that my people gave me.  Might have continued to live in my fantasy world with Will. I would have been content with being in the grey area. No one warned me. 

" Mary An get over here, don't be foolish. You're only doing this for the sake of being bad. You'll regret it. " While his words were firm his voice was pleading. It was soft and luring. Almost, but not enough.

That's right. Will had warned me. I had ignored it at the time. How could he have known better than me? 

"Yes, Master," I say back to him watching the shock register on his face. Feeling his uncle's body shake as he roars in laughter. In a way, it's amusing to spite him. It makes me one with my people. He is the enemy. However, in another way, I feel like a child taking jabs at my friend to win popularity with the cool kids.

I should have listened to him.

_____

I woke up laying on the damp ground. My braids had been undone and my hair brushed against my shoulders. Where was I?  What had happened? My clothes had been produced to near rags. My fingernails were sore so I popped one into my mouth. The cold night air wasn't the cause of the chill that ran through my body. It was the taste of blood. My fingernails tasted metallic. Suddenly I was aware of the throbbing ache between my legs.  Had I? Had he? No matter how much I speculated my memory drew up blank. I could only remember stepping into Wills's uncle's arms. So how had I ended up here?

I tried to rise to my feet but pain struck down my leg causing me to topple back down on my butt. No. no.no.

A firm hand grabbed my shoulder and even if I had known better I couldn't smother the scream that came out of my mouth.

The hand clasped around my mouth hard.

 " Shhh.". The fimliar smell of his skin shut me up faster than his actual hand. Will wascroched over me. It was too dark to decribe him but id know him anywhere.  He turned me towards him and suddenly could see his eyes. Blue and watery. Blood was smeared on his cheek. 

"Im sorry" He whisperd.  I reached up to cuff his wet cheeks. Ive touched Will manytime. None of them exactly like this. What was he sorry about ? For the life of me i couldnt tell. Was it the throb. Was that him? No he would nver. Had he ? Who had ? My brain struggled in vain. I frew no conclusions. 

" Its okay." I whispered not so sure what i was forgiving but knowing that there was no way that i'd ever stay mad at him.

" He's gone, he won't bother us anymore. I made sure he will never bother anyone again." 

His voice was dangerous. To me it was a fire that could keep me warm, but the edge in it told me it could also burn everything around me.

What had he done? What had happened?  I leaned closer to him and snuggled my head in his chest. My body hurt. Everything hurt. He was the enemy. I hated him and his people. SO why was it that I felt safer in his arms than with my own people ?

_______________________________

Dont kill me for this late update babies ! Im so sorry ive been dealing with a lot but i refuse to give up on this book like ive done many others. Not when thhere are epople textingme please update. Anything for yall. <3