Heartbreak For a Lover I Never Had

I Keep Imagining You're Here

I could write a million words, but they would mean nothing if they weren't read by you. Closing my eyes and dreaming the impossible is all I can do. Even when I no longer have words to write I will love you until time stops. I can't be sad when it ends, I knew from the start you wouldn't love me the same. It was worth all the pain. My time runs out, every story has an end, even our own. Perhaps in another world, we could be what I imagined. Our hands intertwined as we walk down the beach, the warm sand engulfing my feet. I say something funny and lose my mind when I hear you laugh. Your laugh, your beautiful laugh. You say a cheesy pick-up line and I cringe so hard we both burst into laughter. Laughter. Your laughter. When I break down you are there, a shoulder to cry on. I help you with your homework. You read the books I read and listen to me rant. You love me, that's all I've ever wanted. Instead, you pass by me in the hallways without sparing me a glance. You laugh with other girls, they get your laughs, your beautiful, vibrant laugh. I love you so much, but you barely know I exist.

I notice how you fix your hair when you are around her. I notice how you look at her. You take specific routes so you can pass by her classes. You laugh around her, she makes you laugh. You are happy, and that makes me happy. She has golden blond hair that shines like the sun. Her body is perfect, it has the curves mine do not. Skinny blond model. Bigger boobs, bigger butt. Her eyes are a soft ocean blue, mine are shit brown. She has perfect porcelain skin, while I get called slurs for mine. She's everything I'm not and more.

Yet I still curl up in my bed imagining us. What we could have been. Singing songs at the top of our lungs in your car. Baking in my kitchen, throwing flour at each other. Kissing those soft, soft lips. In my room, in your room, in Paris, in Italy, in New York. Together. Listening to my favorite songs. Writing notes for each other. Saying I love you. Goodnight kisses. Goodmorning texts. It will never be, but I can keep you in my head forever. Memories, fake memories that are so real.