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You want to know why I was crying at recess? That jerk Teemo is why. He called me a puny homeless looser. He told me I had a face only my mother could love. Normally, I would have told him to lie in the ground and bake cupcakes (and if that sounded like a rather pleasant way to spend eternity, to consider this: those are cupcakes he would never get to eat) but today I just couldn't take it.

I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't believe me. Everyone knows you've got a crush on him. Not to mention he's the most popular kid in school. And for what? His charming personality? Ha! Don't get me started.

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