𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓

27.

"Their opinions never put money in your pocket."
-the author
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Hazel Fenty

The school was decorated with Valentine's Day stickers, construction paper, and crafts everywhere. I put my stuff down in the closet and turned off my phone. The director was real funny about us having our phone on duty. Anything could happen and we wanted to keep an eye on all the children.

I entered the older toddlers room and was greeted by both teachers. We all had to come one room for drop off until eight. Afterward the twos class would leave and then the lead teacher for the older toddler class would come in. I sat down in the chair listening to the dry conversation the girls were having. I heard a lot of situations that happened at this place but I never repeated or asked questions. I minded my business, took care of these kids, and went home. These kids and my money was the only thing I was worried about.

"So did you hear that Mikayla, got fired yesterday?" I was like dumb dear in headlights hearing that. I continued to act like I was so into the kids playing just so I could hear why.

"No, what happened?" Jocelyn asked, astonished.

"She slapped a child in the face for biting her son." My eyes went wide, clearing my throat I stood up to sniff butts. Somebody was shitty and it was making me feel sick.

"It's you." I sang to the little boy. He looked up at me with a gummy smile. He reached for me, I picked him up from underneath and walked to the door to get his supplies.

"I'll be back, I'm gonna change him right quick." They nodded waving me off. I went down the hall to my classroom and placed him on the changing table. I pulled a piece of paper lining placing it underneath him. I pulled down his pants and there it was. A full dirty diaper. I placed on my gloves and began cleaning him up.

"What in the world did you eat for dinner last night." I laughed, as he babbled and made spit bubbles. Afterward I wiped him clean, wiped his hands, and put him in a fresh diaper, put on some vaseline, and pulled his pants back up. I threw my gloves away in the trash then washed my hands.

"You ready fat man." I called to him as she shook the maraca. He reached for me again, I picked up, and we headed back down the hall.

Over time more kids were being dropped off. The lead teacher had arrived after being ten minutes late. I checked the kids off on the role and kept count. Nine-thirty had finally come and it was time to depart from the older toddler classroom on to our younger toddler class.

We sat them in their seats, seconds later breakfast arrived. Pancakes, fruit, and milk. Messy mess and mess. The kids began to eat as soon as I fixed their plates.

"Slow down, little mama before you choke." I patted her little back, and sat down in front of them. I watched as they all ate sloppily and chugged down their milk. I was dreading for the day to end, my mom and I was suppose to have a girls day and I couldn't wait.

—

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Amy asked, as we watched the kids play, well me because she was looking out in the field across the street. I observed her facial expression and it look like she was having one of those days.

"Um, apartment, college, driving, starting a business, maybe." I shrugged, not really sure what she was getting at.

"No, I mean like really see yourself, not cars, and apartments. Your feelings, your well being, health. Shit like that." I narrowed my eyes downward. That was kind of a deep question.

"To be honest, I want to see myself happy, mental stress free, stress free, I want to feel apart of the world I live in. I don't want to be seen as that black girl with the fat ass, wide hips, and big breast. Just a regular female trying to live her best life." Amy smiled, nodding her head. I guess she satisfied with my answer. "How about you?" I looked over her.

"Dead." Was all she said. That hushed me instantly, I didn't know what to say. "I'm not trying to scare you Hazel, I just been through so much physically, emotionally, and mentally. I don't think I'll ever find happiness again with the way I'm living life." I pulled her in a hug and instantly she hugged me back tighter.

"Please Amy, be strong. Please try not to think like that. I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to." I patted her on the back.

"Yes of course." She chuckled, we pulled away just as I saw one of the girls getting ready to hit one of the boys on the head with a bucket. I jumped up taking the bucket away.

"Don't, do that." I said, sternly. I squatted down on my leg making eye to eye contact. "No hitting, okay?" She just looked at me with a drooling smiling. "Are you hearing me?" I laughed picking her up and hugging her, hearing her giggles. I put her back down but held on to the bucket.

"It's time for us to go in." Any announced. We helped each other buckle in the kids, counted and checked everyone off. We pushed them in to get ready for lunch. Today's menu was spaghetti and boy was kind of upset. These kids are messy but they're babies. We handed them their cups for water and took off coats and jackets.

"What's for lunch today?" I had forgotten.

"Umm, chicken sandwich, peas, and fries." I nodded hanging up the last of the jackets.

"Okay, cool. Wanna doordash date?" I joked playfully.

"You know I do, babe." Amy said, with a smile.

"Okay, what you want to eat?" I asked scrolling through the app whole occasionally looking at the door. We weren't allowed to be on our phones while on duty.

"I'll watch out for you, let's do Chinese." She shrugged, I was okay with that. I wrote down what she requested as the kids continued playing.

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The day had finally come to an end, and now it was time to wind down and relax. Momma had ran me a hot bath, she added oils and rubbed me down in sleeping lotion and gave me my vitamins. After I bathed and dressed myself in my pajamas, she brought me my food.

"He's some rotelle, meatballs, drumettes, and I ordered some rolls from Texas Roadhouse.

"Mom." I pouted, watching as she sat down a glass of wine. I was almost twenty-one and she was letting me drink a little to get the feel of it.

"I love you, and I am so proud of you." She complimented, kissing my forehead.

"I appreciate you and I'm so glad you're my mom." I kissed her on cheek, and she sat down on her bed.

"What you wanna do for your birthday?" I couldn't wait until she asked me that.

"I was thinking tattoos, piercings, maybe a club?" I shrugged. The cliche dinner and a movie was becoming tiring and boring.

"Oo, sounds fun. You going with Harlow?" She asked, I looked away. Harlow and I hadn't talked since the get together at the house. I had been seeing her post Issac as well as herself every now and then.

"Maybe. I don't know." Momma nodded, I knew she knew that it was something more to the story than her supposedly being 'pregnant'.