Over Again | larry stylinson

seven | inside your mind

It wasn't that night, or the night after that, but eventually Harry plucked up the courage to open the journal he'd found in the little compartment underneath the king-sized bed.

He already knew what was in it, of course - at least, he did to an extent. It was the diary he'd bought and shared with Louis before they even got together as a couple, when they were first falling for each other.

It had been Louis' idea at the start. The more romantic things often were, back then.

But it was Harry who had gone down to WH Smith's in his purple Jack Wills hoodie and light cream chinos (he cringed at the memory) and exchanged two pound coins for the little black book that was currently lying on his lap, brought it back so proudly to show Louis, then written both their names on the front in cracked white Tippex.

They'd taken it up to write in whenever they felt like it, sometimes together but mostly separately. Sometimes it was notes to their future selves, sometimes a commentary on the day they'd had, sometimes poetry or lyrics or drawings or just a little joke in the corner of a page.

What mattered to Harry now, though, was that at least half of it was crafted by Louis' hand, and though he knew it would be heartbreaking, he also knew he had to read it.

The first page was instantly painful. Louis' scrawl, recognisable even in the dim light behind the undrawn curtains, line after line about Harry.

Such stupid stuff, too.

HARRY SHALL WE GET PIZZA LATER ????????????? LOVE FROM LOUIS <3 xxx

VAS HAPPENING HARRY?????? hahahaha from L xxxxxxxx

baby cakes <3 sweetcheeks

harry + louis = best friends for EVERRRR :))))))))))

But it seemed that the sillier the words, the more they hurt Harry to read a decade later.

Because it didn't just look like messing around to him any more, but the signs of their innocence. The last remnants of their life together and the world they'd had before it was ruined.

Pain quickly melded into agony as Harry began to watch the two boys fall in love over the pages.

sleep in my bed tonight, curly?? ;)) L

And then, the following morning:

list of things h said in his sleep :))))
- louuuu, can you get that call?
- niall ....... no..... louis, tell him...
- can you just kiss me on my back (Here, Louis had scribbled a little hahahahahahahhaha underneath the line)
- cereal again?!!
- too many whales in the ocean for lou
- louis... my louis

Harry had to close the book at that point and steady his breathing. He pressed his aching forehead against the cool surface of its cover and took breath after raggedy breath.

"I hope Louis doesn't burn you in a few years time when 2015 rolls round again," he whispered to the pages, his voice cracking a little as he spoke. "Look at all this love in my hands."

The bedroom door opened then, suddenly enough to make Harry jolt and hurl the book quickly under his pillow.

It was Louis' silhouette in the doorframe. Harry's heart hammered.

"Louis!" he managed. "You made me jump."

"Alright, H?" Louis frowned in response. "You seem a bit shifty."

"No, I'm fine, yeah," Harry replied, forcing himself not to stammer. "You?"

"Pretty bad, actually," Louis replied, as if he found the question ridiculous. Which, perhaps he did, Harry realised. Everything that had happened to them in the past two days was obviously insane and it was hard to be alright.