All That I Wanted

Chapter 5:Slipping Back

A month had passed.

Routines were developed between them. Solid ones, and nearly everyday ended with a bath.

The flickers had started coming in waves and she found herself slipping years back, months back, days back, even though she'd never raised her hand to rewind.

She's talk to Chloe's that weren't there.

Chloe had kind of... Retreated into herself.

Not completley but a good bit.

Max kind of let her be for a while, sometimes it was just better to leave it ya know?

The voice in her head wasn't quite as violent but she had her days, where her head felt like it was gonna pop off.

Like she just wasn't herself at all.

Blonde Chloe's, soft caring girls that held no candle to her Chloe, but it was interesting to see nonetheless.

She didn't bother her with it often, if she could help it.

It was the sound, maybe. The sound of the gun, the screams of people.

She heard it the most often.

Bathtime helped drown things out, as water does.

All she could hear now was the running water and she could certainly feel it. It was scorching her, but that was what she wanted. To get the feeling off of her, out of her. The regret. The panic of every little thing she thought about. Every second was just another intrusive flash, an unwanted thought.

Flickers.

Chloe turned off the tap, just full enough.

Chloe grounded her. Chloe made her feel safe. She always had in every way.

Chloe got in the bathtub with her after so many weeks of not doing so. It was with alot of fussing and pleading, but she relented and let Max help her get in.

Chloe had a little not so little scar on her abdomen now, white and bumpy on her skin.

Chloe was crying again in the tub with her, after she had asked and asked. She was trying to tell Max how it got there. Why she had been hiding it, and for how long, but she kept just... Dissolving into tiny sniffles and silence, like the words were rocks in her throat.

The soft feeling of skin against her front calmed her in many ways, and she wished it could do the same for the girl infront of her. The small, insistent jerks of her bestfriends body made her feel so hopeless. Made her feel so bad that she had to try so hard to be present for her right now, to not drift away and shut things out. But she would do it, for Chloe. She would do it for anyone.... but Chloe. She hadn't been this distraught in a while.

It was the quiet sad that scared her.

So, why she waited for her to catch her breath, she put some shampoo in blue hair and got to work.

She scrubbed her head, slowly but deeply. Ever so slowly, Chloe started to relax as blue bubbles accumulated on her head. She started to actually breath. Started to rub Max's leg with her hand, grounding herself. A small notion that screamed 'thank you.'

"Lean back?" Max whispered, and Chloe did so, sighing a heavy breath. Max cupped a hand over her eyes and kissed her cheek, reaching for the little rinse cup they had started keeping in the bath. Chloe shivered when lips left her cheek, and melted when warm water soaked into her head. She poured until the water turned clear. She pushed her blue bangs off her forehead so no water would get into her eyes and sat the red cup down on the side of the tub, making sure it wouldn't fall off the side.