Gods & Monsters

Chapter 14 (Part 3)

Oh fucking shit.

"That's—" Louis begins, stuttering and blinking, and Harry watches him, brow delicately furrowed.

"He came up to me," he continues, slow and deep and hesitant, unblinking. His eyes are so big. "And he introduced himself properly for the first time ever. Said he's heard a lot about me since we're both trying for the same university." Oh god. "And then he told me that...like..." His face twists a bit, confused. "He'd heard from Zayn that you and I hang out? Or something? Basically, he implied that you never mentioned me. Or something like that. And that when Zayn had said it in passing, he was surprised? I don't know. But, like, he said that he's been busy and asked me to give you this because you left it"—Harry swallows, eyes flickering and glassy—"in his room."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Fucking Liam fucking Payne.

Louis stares at the article of clothing in Harry's hands. Stares, but doesn't move, his mind racing. Because how the fuck is he supposed to respond to that? Is he supposed to lie?

Instinctually, his brain tells him to lie.

But then he looks up at Harry, looks at the unsure slope of his shoulders and the sadness in his mouth and the terrified hope in his gorgeous fucking eyes and... And Louis knows what he tastes like and what he smells like and he knows his different kinds of laughs and he knows his 'nice' voice and his natural voice and he knows Anne and Gemma and he knows that he loves Anne's lamb stew and that they always send him home with Tupperware full of it and...

And he can't lie to him.

But he can't lose him. He'll have to... Be as honest as he can be. For now.

"I probably did leave it in there," Louis nods, gingerly taking the offered t-shirt and letting any semblance of composure drain from his face because he's being honest. Just right now. He'll put himself back together later but... Right now, he can lay himself out a bit. He wants to. He wants Harry to see because it's genuine, it is. He wants Harry to know that. "Probably a month or so ago."

Harry looks breakable right now beneath the cold fluorescent lights.

So Louis continues.

"It's not from any sexual thing, though. Contrary to how Liam may have made it sound. It's not like that between us. I mean, it's..." Louis pauses. Honesty, right? He's doing honesty? Well, here goes. "Like, way back, a few years ago, when I first met him... Something did happen, yeah. The first night we met."

Harry snaps his head away, body tight.

Louis feels his throat burn, his eyes tighten as he scoots still closer, reaches his hands to grasp Harry's warm wrists softly, loose enough for Harry to break away. He doesn't, though. So Louis continues.

"It started out weird, I admit, yeah. But nothing's happened for years. Nothing, Harry. And there hasn't been anything at all, not even remotely, since I met you. He might be... I dunno. He might be trying to fuck with me. Or you." He licks his lips. He should tell him. He should come clean. Right now.

But.

But what if...

What if Harry won't forgive him? Louis can't have that, he can't, he's selfish and he can't lose him yet, not when he they're still so fresh, so new. Not when he hasn't proven himself yet.

He just needs more time. He needs more time to show Harry how much he cares. That he's genuine. He'll tell him, he will. But not yet. He can tell him this, but he needs to prove himself to Harry first. Then he'll tell him. He will.