It was night on the PS1 Hogwarts grounds. You werer feeling lonely after the infamous liquid called 'Ron Weasley' had sexually harassed you. You travelled down the badly rendered grounds, to stalk your longtime crush Hagrid.
Eventually, you reached Hagrid's 2-Bit Hut, feeling the bad graphics penetrate your eyes. With your digital heart furiously pounding, you knocked on the door. The anticipation was killing you. In fact, it was so horrible, that you contemplated joining Jim Pickens's cult. Then, someone answered the door.
There he was. A large mountain of a man, literally. His face morphed every second, like the waves of the hideous ocean. Rubeus Hagrid, the sexiest mountain-boiiiiiiiiiiiii alive. "Ello, (Y/N). Whatcha doing at such a late hour 'ere?", he asked in a friendly tone. You stuttered in response. "Umm, hiya, Hagrid. I was feeling lonely and though, maybe we could spend some time together." Hagrid let out a earrape scream and answered, "Sure, ya lil' rascal. We could spend all night looking at me baby dragon." You breathed a sigh of relief and entered the hut.
Inside, the textures were even worse, but you didn't care, you only wanted to be by Hagrid's side. The two of you layed down by the eye numbing 2001 fireplace. You decided it was time. You had to do something, otherwise, that ugly liquid would come back for more. "Umm, Hagrid?", you asked shyly. "Can I tell you something?" Hagrid looked at you in surprise. "Ya can tell me everything, mate. Just go ahead." You took a deep breath and decided, to let it all out. "It was Ron. Ron Weasley. He touched me in inappropiate places." Hagrid let out another earrape scream and yelled, "That darn liquid boy. Imma teach him some manners with ye olde umbrella, dont'cha know." You felt great. Hagrid was going to save you.
After about 69 minutes, you wanted to finally admit. And so, you turned to the now drunk Hagrid and told him, "Hagrid, This is important. Now, listen carefully. I like you. A lot, hagrid. I want to be crushed by your dummy thicc ass." At first, there was no response. It was as quiet, as you in the bedroom. Then, he laughed. Hagrid laughed. The laughing turned into demonic screeching, as Hagrid started having a seizure and glitching out. The whole hut started collapsing and you were buried under the pixellated rocks. As you tried to drag your broken body out of the remains of Hagrid's hut, the glitchy blob, that used to be your crush, crushed you. Then, your PS1 crasched and you realized, that you had to buy a new one.
The End.
Inspired by CallmeKevin on YouTube.
(443 words)
