Cheated love...

Filches Little Girl

I walked into the great hall. Although I was 15 it was my first year at hogwarts I was excited for the magic to see how many people I could hurt by the end of the year

I was getting impatient standing there after about 2 people had gone

"Pubë Armidilo!" The hat screamed my name
It was quite ugly I thought to myself

I strutted like Britney Spears up to the crusty musty
Ancient looking chair

A ugly mean looking lady put the rat hat on my head
I thought about the weirdest things I could think of while the hat was placed upon my hideous head like children dropping their ice cream but the plot twist was it wasn't actually vanilla ice cream..

When the hat was talking shit about me I noticed someone at the end of the hall holding a musty brown cat. They were short; and dirty looking. And their hair was unbrushed and matted In most places.

He was perfect I thought to myself
Just my type

When I snapped out of my daze the hat yelled at the top of its lungs (if it even had any)

"HOUSE ELF!!" I had read Hoewartz; A history and I was truly honored to be in that house

I had learned there is 4 houses
1. House elf
2. Mistakes
3. Mudbloods
4. Mother truckers

I walked down to my table where I was greeted by a guy named Million Dollhair Puthy greeted me and introduced me to his sister Harry Breast Puthy she complimented me on my perfect mohawk died pink, green, and shit brown

A very beautiful lady dressed in all pink introduced herself as Professor Umbitch I loved her already

After the ugly little rat children got sorted into their house it was time for bed

I walked with Million and Harry to our dorm although on the way I heard someone call my name

"Pubës! Pubës!" I turned to see who it was
It was the man from the end of the hall

"My office" he said in a raspy voice
I followed him in suspicion but was ok with it considering how hot he was

"Do you know why your here Pubës?" He said

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no sir!" I exclaimed

"Well" he said

"I took one look of admire at your perfect hair, extremely large body, the way you strut like it's Britney bitch, the way your toe nails that stick out of you shoes, Pubës your perfect In every way" he said

"F-f-f-f-filch!" I exclaimed

"Y-you are too!" I said

The kiss was short but passionate

"Let's keep this a secret ok?" Said filch

"I- ok" I said

I was almost to the door when I heard it again

"Pubës!" He sad

"Y-y-ya..?" I said

"Meet me here every night at this exact time" he said

I smiled

"Don't worry I will" I said waddling back to my room

I got to the common room and look around

"wow.." I said

There was pictures of dead house elf's and children being hung from the ceiling

"This is amazing!" I whispered under my breath

I found my dorm and walked in trying not to wake everyone up

Once I laid down I let out a huge wet fart as I settled into my bed

What a great day.. I thought to myself