The War Of The Pineapple
The wind blew through the supermarket as the day went on. Frank, the lonely pineapple sat with all the other fruit and watched on as the many customers passed by. Frank was lonely because he was the only pineapple left.
All poor little Frank wanted was to be bought and taken to a good home, where he would be made into pizzas, or even just eaten in slices.
But Frank’s hopes began to diminish as it was nearing closing time and next to nobody was in the supermarket. ‘If only people knew the truth’ Frank thought. It was true, nobody knew that Frank was, in fact, a MAGICAL pineapple.
Just when Frank thought all hope was lost, he felt a warm hand on his top/head/thingy. ‘What is this? A new owner?’ Frank thought, happy to feel warm for once.
While Frank was deep in thought, another pair of hands reached out to him.
It was an old man, called Bob, looking for a delicious pineapple to juice into pineapple juice. Now, he could be smart and go and buy already juiced pineapples in the fruit juice isle, but no, he has to be picky and have it FREASHLY SQUEEZED! Ahem, anyway…..
The owner of the first pair of hands immediately snatched his prize and held it close to him. “What da hell you want with mah pineapple?” The young man, who happened to be called Abraham Llama the duchess of nacho land IV, holding the pineapple asked.
“I think you mean my pineapple” Bob said, bonking Abraham Llam- you know what? Let’s just call him Abraham IV shall we? Ok, so Abraham IV was hit over the head with Bob’s cricket bat that he magically pulled out of nowhere.
“Ouch, like what da heck?” Abraham IV complained, rubbing his sore head. Abraham pulled out a Mythril sword and swung it at Bob, who deflected it with a watermelon.
“What the hell? How does that work?” Abraham IV asked, then suddenly a young girl came in.
This girl was SO majestic, her name was Makayla the Majestic VII and she came in majestically flipping her hair yelling, “Bazza logic!” and using a ninja smoke-bomb to escape.
Meanwhile, Frank, you remember Frank right? Good, Frank became aware of what was going on once he heard the sound of a ‘Bonk’ of something hitting someone.
Frank saw the two men fighting, fighting over him. If Frank could smile, he would smiley widely. But he can’t. Even though he's a magical pineapple, pineapples can’t smile.
Anywho, Frank was nervous and excited at the same time. After all, he was having two people fighting over him. (YOU’RE NERVOUSITED! Amazing Pinkie Pie quote).
Bob and Abraham IV were in an all-out war, like, literally. They had tanks, bases, army uniforms, the lot! Bob, despite his age, was going pretty well against the younger Abraham IV.
Abraham IV threw a crocodile at Bob’s face, narrowly missing. “How da heck is half of this stuff working?” Abraham IV asked. “Dunno, ask the author. She’s writing this” Bob shrugged. “Good point-Wait, why am I a cactus?” Abraham said, looking at himself as he was indeed, a cactus.
“Because I made you!” The author screamed from above “I. AM. YOUR. GOD! I CONTROL YOU!”.
Frank was getting angry now, this Author could’ve given him an owner AGES ago. If there really was an Author to control them, did she really care?
“Of course I care Frank” The Author said, dropping down from the sky “That is why I am giving you the strength to end this”.
Frank suddenly felt a surge of power rush through him, and he flew up into the air. Lights beamed around him. “Stop stop stop stop STOP stOP StOp SToP StOp sToP” Frank said as he fell back to the earth.
“I command you both to STOP this WAR!” Frank boomed and a surge of energy pushed the two men fighting away and the battle ceased. The two men then realised that the pineapple was speaking.
“I will sacrifice myself to stop this madness” Frank said, and nodded towards the Author. The Author pointed at Frank ever-so-dramatically and Frank was cut in half, delicious pineapple juice spiling from him.
“I hope you two have learned something from this ordeal” The Author spoke as she took the two halves of Frank in her hands.
The two halves were given to Abraham IV and Bob, who looked at each other in disbelief. “All we were fighting for, was pointless” Bob said “Yes, we should’ve shared. And this wouldn’t have happened” Abraham IV nodded.
“Good. Now I have to go wash my hands, they’re soaked in pineapple juice” The Author said, then she left.
The two men walked their separate ways, living their lives as normal. Never forgetting the War Of The Pineapple…..
THE END!!!!!
