Carnal Desire "The Awakening"

Chapter Two

~JORDAN~

My thoughts became a jumbled mess as I continued to deliberate the events that had previously unfolded. I found it hard to form a coherent answer to the many questions with the conflicting emotions that tormented me throughout Ms. Vaughn's lecture. My heart and my mind seemed as if they were in a constant battle, to which neither of them would win. I began to feel angry towards the current situation, leading me to feel anger towards the one person that I ever truly loved.

It was difficult for me to fathom that she neglected to inform me of her accepting a teaching position at the very High School I attended. Not that I felt or thought that she needed my opinion or consent, but because she simply didn't tell me about her good news. So many thoughts ran through my mind.

How could I not know about this? Why didn't she tell me she accepted a job at my high school? How come she didn't at least tell me she got a teaching position? Was I just an after-thought? Was I even a factor in her life? Did what we shared mean more to me than it did to her? Out of the thousands of questions that ran through my mind, the main question that reigned supreme was, why did this have to happen to me, to us?

Too many questions that deserved answers, which only she could provide. I just couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it, in all honesty, I didn't want to. I didn't want to believe that this was actually happening, I didn't want it to be real. I closed my eyes in the hopes that this was all just a bad dream, praying silently that when I open my eyes everything would go back to normal.

I knew that her and I wouldn't be able to carry on with our whirl-wind romance, now that she is my teacher and I her student. I knew for her that it would be completely unethical. Sydney would fight tooth and nail to keep her emotions and desires at bay. And because I love her so much, I would do my best to respect her wishes, no matter how much I wanted to continue what we had in New York. This coming year is going to a lot harder than I originally anticipated.

I'm not going to lie and say that the last 20 minutes of class was easy, because it sure as hell wasn't. Aside from trying to concentrate on the lecture, it was getting harder to hide my agitation and it didn't help that even though I was going through my own emotional turmoil, I wanted nothing more than to walk up to her and kiss her soft plush lips that seemed to fit mine perfectly. I wanted to feel comforted in her embrace and tell her how much I missed her. That I love her.

Yet at the same time I was angry with her, and I know deep down I have no logical reason to be or right to be because we never promised each other anything concrete but I was angry. Not only was I angry with her but I was extremely disappointed with this particular predicament we found ourselves in, to put it mildly, it was fucked up!

I was so mad that I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Frustration ate away at me, devouring me with its sharp edges and I knew I wouldn't be able to escape its clutches until her and I had a chance to talk.

I listened to the familiar tick of the clock as the gut-wrenching feeling pulled and twisted at my insides. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours.

I did my best to at least attempt to start the easy assignment. Even though my thoughts were elsewhere I somehow managed to write and focus just enough in order to finish it before the end of class.

I glanced at the clock for what seemed like the millionth time in 10 minutes. Just 3 minutes left to endure as I felt my sanity slowly slipping away. So many possibilities in which this could go. We could have a huge argument, or we could come to a peaceful agreement to just be student and teacher. We could decide to avoid the whole situation all together and not speak about it or we could just say fuck it and continue where we left off 2 weeks ago.