Love Letters - JOE

love letters

Love Letters

JOE,

For the past 7 years, I have watched you, the man I love, lose pieces of your heart, slowly and painfully. Like a discarded puzzle, those remnants were scattered all over our lives... in our bed, at the kitchen table, in the car. Drops of blood constantly stained our thoughts and darkened our dreams. As hard as you tried, you just couldn't keep the wound closed. But who could blame you? The estrangement between you and your sons took up all the extra room in the house. It hung over our walls like a blank canvas and echoed through every conversation. I felt so powerless; I couldn't make them come back to you. There was no magic pill, no special potion and I wondered how you would ever rebuild your dying heart. I do believe in magic, but not even the most gifted sorcerer could bring you back to life. That was a job reserved for your boys.

Our path wasn't always easy, but it is what I promised. Even broken-down and broken-hearted, you are my best friend and my lover, and you know how I feel about LOVE. It's All-Encompassing. Beautiful and Raw. Tragic and Tender. And when you find the right kind, it's MAGICAL. We have traveled quite a journey together, you and I, in this life and in those far gone. We are bonded by honor, friendship, and now a beautiful daughter. Luciana brought hope into our lives and kept you afloat. With her tiny fingers, she reached deep into your hollow and tied the frayed ends of your bandages, so you could hang on just a little bit longer. With every delightful sound she made, your heart hiccuped, making room for more hope. Late at night in the darkness, Luciana hung across your strong chest like a locket. When her head nestled against the tattoo of your sons' names, it was almost like you had all three of them under your wing for one brief and perfect moment. She brought a glimmer of hope, and with each passing day, I prayed your sons would find their way back to you.

But they didn't. Days melted into months and time burned through the years. Birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, and deaths all came and went without your heart's attendance. Phone calls and emails carried your massive grief through the sky but the universe remained silent. With each passing milestone, it was clear that reconciliation wasn't going to happen, and so on you went with half a heartbeat, desperately trying to make those old, worn out pieces fit. I didn't have the heart to tell you that they were never going to. For the puzzle to fit again, you would need to create brand new pieces. Ones that told YOUR story and no one else's because all these years you stayed quiet and strong in your resolve. Never wavering. Never compromising. Never forgetting. Like the ink hammered onto your skin, the bond between you and your sons is cemented in truth. You have stood, all this time, knee-deep in pure, unmovable and unedited love. Not everyone has the courage to stare truth down. It's like seeing that huge wave on the horizon. Your instinct is to panic, but don't. Take a deep breath and let yourself float to the bottom. It's amazing what happens underneath all that static and foam. Because just like the tides, truth ebbs and flows. And when you're ready, it brings change, hope, and this time, your son.

A month ago, all our lives changed in a way that can only be described as the work of angels.

With Joseph here, your heart no longer bleeds through every room in the house. Gone are the stitches and band-aids that Luciana so valiantly tied together for you. The walls can breathe again without the dense silence hanging in every corner. I finally get to see you be the father I always knew you were and Luciana has the chance to know her oldest brother. As I see all three of you gather in her room for bedtime stories I know why those old pieces never fit. Sometimes, we lose things so we can be reminded just how precious they truly are. Being a father is the best gift you were ever given and when it was stolen from you the oceans overflowed with your tears. Luciana was the life raft that kept you from drowning in the sea of hopelessness. Her message was loud and clear: Don't ever give up because just like the tides, truth eventually rises.

When I began writing this letter a month ago, I was simply the narrator. The storyteller. How else would anyone ever know about all this beauty? But as time moved on, I realized you weren't the only one who was pieced back together. For years, my heart cracked a little every day from carrying all that weight. It took a toll and there were days I wasn't sure we would make it. I doubted that you would ever be whole again so that we could be whole. I doubted that you would never heal and where would that leave Luci and me. I doubted that your boys would find their way back to you because I stopped believing in what I know to be true. I stopped believing in love and I should have known better. I should have known that love protects, trusts, hopes, and always perseveres. And most of all, LOVE NEVER FAILS, even when you can't see it underneath all that static and foam. Joseph may have reached deep inside your heart but he opened my eyes to the only thing that really matters.

I love you... then, now. And Always