The Unseen

Chapter 14 - Ultimatum

Vader looks away from Obi-Wan, focusing on some distant point on the other side of the room. Their arguments will not sway him. He cannot afford to change his mind. "There is nothing that can be done for me," he finally snarls. "For the rest of my life, I will always be trapped as a – as more droid than man, and I will not have it. I thought I made it clear already that I do not want this anymore. If I die fighting Sidious, then so much the better. At least I will be free. If – if you really care, then just kill me."

He's grateful to his armor for hiding that he's trembling. His helmet conceals his tears. Saying all that hurt more than he thought it might. His respirator continues breathing rhythmically, unaffected by his emotional breakdown. He glances around, taking in Obi-Wan's and Ahsoka's stricken expressions in the heavy silence which follows.

"Absolutely not," Leia refutes with the passionate stubbornness of her mother. "You can't do something which is going to kill you. If you try, I'll have the healers drug you so you can't leave." Obi-Wan casts her a surprised look, but Vader is only half-listening.

Without even knowing why, his fingers close around his lightsaber hilt. It's almost as though his mind is following a command he's not consciously giving. All he knows is that he's being crushed by emotions he doesn't know how to handle. He needs to get them out. He never had to worry about it before, because he almost always had missions or battles as distractions. It takes a moment for his mind to catch up with his actions, and somehow, he feels a vague sense of relief.

It would be fast. It would be easy. It would be a coward's way. He ignores that voice, the only one of reason. Really, it doesn't matter. Shouldn't matter. He's been fixed enough times, but even some things can't be healed. But there's Leia. And Luke. He needs to stop Sidious, but with his current state of mind, he's more likely to be trapped there, once more a slave.

"Anakin!" cries Ahsoka, tone horrified. She extends a hand, trying to rip the lightsaber from his grasp before he mindlessly ignites it into his own body – arm probably. The pain would distract him, and it will keep him grounded without causing too much damage. Obi-Wan lunges for him at the same moment, slamming into him. Vader catches his balance, but not before he's pushed back against the wall, lightsaber in Ahsoka's hands.

"Anakin, please, that won't solve anything," Obi-Wan's voice has a note of desperation in it as he grips Vader's arms, keeping him in place.

"Father," Leia's voice is trembling, and that one word completely roots him to the spot, making him forget to pull away. He doesn't see fear in her eyes, only sorrow. She bites her lip and blinks away tears. A distant part of his mind notes that being as sensitive as she is, she's probably picking up on his uncontrolled emotions. "Father, you can't do that."

She's upset too. He can feel it. Is all he can do hurt everyone around him? He doesn't have longer than a second to entertain that thought, because the next thing he knows, Leia is barreling into him. She wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his chest, near the control panel for his respirator. Leia might be completely untrained, but she's still trying to comfort him in the only way she knows how. He can feel her touching him tentatively through the Force.

He doesn't know what to do or how to react; it's been that long since anyone has hugged him, not counting what happened back at his castle on Mustafar. After a moment of hesitation, Vader rests a hand on her back, pulling her tightly against him. He can't believe that she would do this willingly. Surely, she must blame him for not being there to raise her, but if she does, she's putting his own feelings first. Selflessness like that couldn't have come from him. He's not selfless.

When Obi-Wan nudges him over to the examining table, pushing him to sit down, he realizes that his body is trembling. It's the most readily available seating spot in the room, and he sinks onto it gratefully. If he doesn't sit, he'll probably collapse and that would be unnecessarily humiliating. His right arm tightens around his daughter as she shifts to sit next to him, his left hand clenching on the edge of the frame as he struggles to control himself. Ahsoka moves to his other side, wrapping her arms around him and giving him her silent support, while Obi-Wan seats himself next to Leia, close enough to Vader to offer whatever comfort he can.

He turns off his vocoder a few seconds later to give himself more privacy while he works to reign in his emotions, closing his eyes and letting himself soke up the freely offered comfort. He doesn't want this moment to end, but he knows it will. "You don't have to do anything alone anymore," Ahsoka speaks softly and hesitantly, clearly unsure how her words will be received. "I told you I'm not leaving, and I meant it."

He doesn't know what to say, so he simply says nothing, touching his sister briefly through the Force and letting her know that he heard. With his daughter here in his arms, he's abruptly reminded how pointless the past many years have been. Padme died, just as he'd dreamed, and he wasn't there to save her. He was probably the cause. Everything, all the death, all the destruction was for nothing. He doesn't quite know how he feels about it yet, but it's something he needs to seriously consider.

"What I did was completely uncalled for," he finally acknowledges. Leia and Ahsoka only hug him tighter, and they sit in a companionable silence, which isn't broken until the door opens. Bail steps through, a surge of surprise radiating into the Force when he takes in the sight in front of him. For a moment, he seems to be on the verge of talking, but he simply steps back out and closes the door behind him.

Vader is grateful to him in that moment because he doesn't want anyone to explain what's going on. It's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. He's never actually caused himself physical harm as a way of coping with emotional pain, and – and he doesn't want to start now, not when his body is already a wreck. The silence, which had been comforting at first, soon begins to feel stifling.

"It will be a time before any surgery can be performed," Vader states flatly, turning his helmet towards Obi-Wan. "If you wish, you can retrieve Luke from Tatooine in that time."

Obi-Wan straightens. "Certainly," he agrees readily. "I can probably leave in an hour or two if you're comfortable with that?"

Vader huffs out a mirthless laugh. "I distinctly remember telling you that it would be easier for me not to meet them, but you insisted. The choice is yours."

Obi-Wan dips his head in acknowledgement. "True," he concedes, "But you don't regret it." Vader ignores the comment, and finally, Obi-Wan leans forward to look at Ahsoka. A wordless communication passes between them before he turns back to Vader. "I'll speak to Bail. I don't know how long I'll be gone exactly, but I should be back within a couple days."

"Very well," Vader replies, rising. He feels much better now, similar to how he felt after his had time to reflect following his breakdown on Mustafar. Obi-Wan gives him one final look before leaving the room, and they remain in silence. He tries not to notice that Leia is studying him, but soon, he can't just ignore it.

"What is on your mind, young one?" he asks, looking at her.

"You," she declares without the slightest hesitation.

Alright...? That was not what he'd expected her to say, though he's not sure what he did expect. He doesn't want to ask. He doesn't want to know what she's thinking. But at the same time, he doesn't want to say nothing. "You seem..." He pauses, probing her unshielded emotions. Though she can obviously sense it, she doesn't even flinch. Curiosity is the most prominent, but it's mixed with uncertainty, worry, and affection. "Disturbed," he finishes.

His daughter continues to look at him as though he's a puzzle to figure out. "I was wondering what happened to you to make you like that," she informs him.

He finds that he can't look at her at those words, so he focuses his gaze on the wall behind her, lips twisting into a bitter smile. "It is not a story you need to know," he answers with finality, "But perhaps someday."

Leia regards him, a hint of knowingness on her face which seems out of place for her youth. "Come with me," she urges, bouncing towards the door. "I can show you both around."

Ahsoka glances at Vader before smiling at Leia. "We'd love that," she agrees, as Leia opens the door. Vader doesn't protest, but he's not exactly enthusiastic either. He'll go along with it, if only because he has nothing better to do right now. Besides, it might help keep his mind of everything which has been tormenting him.