sunflower - h.s.

forty two

We have two days left in Malibu.

Today was actually our last day in the studio. Everyone got a little emotional, a little nostalgic. It felt sad, like we were leaving behind something. And I guess we are - or I am. I dunno. Everything feels so...

Weird.

Everyone had been extra quiet these last few days and it was bringing my spirits down even more than they were already. Sarah had clung onto Mitch since yesterday, I think in attempt to comfort herself. Adam was...Adam, quiet and off in his own world most, if not all, of the time.

And Harry...

Well, Harry had been in a mood. I would say what kind of mood he was in if I knew, but the truth is I don't - and I don't think he knows either. He had been quiet, and a little less light and cheery today, it was a little harder to get him to smile and a lot harder to get him to laugh. I was worried, but it was Harry. If he wanted to talk to me about it, he would.

That didn't mean I didn't ask, though.

I was home alone, Sarah and Mitch out for dinner with Mitch's parents for the last time until they came back to LA during tour. Adam was out for drinks with some friends. And Harry was having a meeting with his label reps. So I was alone, at Harry's piano of course, working on a song and sorting through all the thoughts in my head.

I couldn't get mine and Sarah's conversation the other day out of my head - the one about mine and Harry's ideas of the future. How he has one and I don't. It shook me to my core just knowing that the thought of Harry seeing a future with me didn't make me nervous, and it actually made me really excited to think about.

I hadn't let myself admit it, but if I'm being honest, there's no one else I could even imagine a future with other than Harry.

Which is so fucking weird.

I shake my head and focus back on the song I was working on. Harry gave me the idea after a conversation we had last night before bed. We were sitting outside on our balcony, just watching the water.

"I've taken this place for granted, haven't I?" I asked him, tracing my finger over the sunflower on the inside of his wrist. Harry just chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."

"I think it took you a while to adjust to being here, that's all."

"I feel bad. I didn't really appreciate how beautiful it is here, how lucky I am to be here."

"Well, nothings stopping you from appreciating it now. Write a song about it, or something. Maybe it'll make you feel better." And then he shrugged in that habitual way he totally got from me and we went on with our night as usual. But I thought about what he said, and I started putting my thoughts into words. And then I put my words to music.

"Working on something new?"

Harry.

I turn around with a little smile, which Harry barely returns from his spot in the doorway. I nod and gesture for him to come over, which he does. He plops down beside me on the piano bench and moves my notebook in front of him so he can read my new song. He nudges me with his elbow.

"Play it for me." He ordered quietly, lifting both my hands onto the keys for me. It makes me smile and I start playing without question, singing lightly.

"This is looking like I might just wanna stay
Can't remember much about yesterday
Ground is glowing, I'm slowing my stride with every step
Take a good look at it girl, take a good look at this world..." I sing and let Harry exist beside me as I do so, keeping my eyes focused on my notebook and fingers, making sure I don't miss a single note.