I Lost Something in the Hills | Warriors [SquirrelCrow]

I Lost Something in the Hills

Squirrelpaw is angry. She's so angry she shakes her whole body as if she stepped out of the cold river.
How could Crowpaw be such a mouse-brain?!, she thinks as she narrows eyes and looks at the WindClan apprentice.
They both say nothing. They just stare at each other until Brambleclaw decides that they should go.
She lifts her chin and walks to the other cats. Squirrelpaw thinks about this for the next two days.

When Feathertail dies, Crowpaw holds vigil for her. He's sad. He's so sad that he probably curses every star on Silverpelt for what happened to the RiverClan warrior.
Squirrelpaw sits beside him and lets him sink in her fluffy pelt. She gently brushes her muzzle with his forehead.
"She was like an older sister to me..." he says, "...like a sibling I've never had."
Squirrelpaw tries to understand. How would she react if she lost Leafpaw? Her sister was everything to her. Her whole world. She was hoping nothing would stand between them.
"I'm sorry, Crowpaw," she whispers, but she knows this will not give Feathertail her life back.
They leave the mountains almost immediately.

Squirrelpaw is sad when she says good-bye to Crowpaw after they cross Clan's territories. She hugs him and they touch their noses. Everybody would have thought that Crowpaw isn't best in showing his feelings, but he and Squirrelpaw grew close on the journey.

The she-cat is happy when Crowpaw gets his warrior name. Crowfeather, the proud warrior of WindClan. Maybe even one day he'll be a deputy. She talks with him, congratulating a newly made warrior. They're both happy.

Squirrelpaw, now Squirrelflight, realizes that she's in love with Crowfeather. She knows she shouldn't be, so she muffles her feelings.

Brambleclaw confesses to her that he loves her. Squirrelflight says that her heart belongs to somebody else, that she will not be his mate. Brambleclaw is angry at her. 

After they set up their camps, everybody is at peace and happy. But not Squirrelflight. She seems so lonely, even her own littermate seems to be so distant. Just like if she lost her like they lost Feathertail on their journey to the new home.

"What's happening, sister?" Leafpool asks in her soft, caring voice.
"Nothing," Squirrelflight replies, not even looking at her. She's busy with kneading. She's doing it because she's stressed. Leafpool wouldn't understand; she was medicine she-cat, after all. Leafpool couldn't be in love, right?

One night, Squirrelflight sneaks out of camp. She feels better when she's not surrounded by all those cats. She feels like she could abandon her current life and just run away.

At the gathering, she meets with Crowfeather. They talk and laugh. She calls him mouse-brain as a joke, and he says "fox-dung" to her. Some WindClan cats look at Crowfeather with weird expressions. She sees Brambleclaw with a corner of her eye, and he looks at them, grimace on his muzzle, then he turns his face away to talk with Hawkfrost, Tawnypelt, and Mothwing.

Squirrelflight likes Shrewpounce, but she doesn't love him, as everybody in ThunderClan expects. She starts spending some time with him, but she still feels lonely. Leafpool seems to be busy as always.

Another night, Squirrelflight sneaks out of the camp. This time, she meets with Crowfeather.
"Squirrelflight," he says. "Would you want... To run away with me?"
The she-cat is both happy and confused. She doesn't know what exactly she wants, but she knows this is how Crowfeather says to her "I love you".
Squirrelflight agrees, but she says that she needs time. She needs to prepare.

Shrewpounce becomes her friend. He is worried about her, but Squirrelflight says that she's fine.
"I'm in love with Crowfeather", says she-cat to her sister and her friend.
Shrewpounce understands, but Leafpool is angry at her.
"You can't be in love with a cat from another Clan!" she screams at her like she's making sure that everybody in camp hears her.

Squirrelflight runs away with Crowfeather. They want to run away far beyond the Clans' territories, but then they meet Midnight, who warns them about badgers attacking their clanmates.

When she comes back, nobody says anything. Maybe it's because they're angry at her, maybe it's because they don't trust her anymore, or maybe it's because they know she doesn't want to talk about it.

One day, Squirrelflight discovers she's pregnant. Leafpool is so angry at her, and Squirrelflight doesn't understand. Why can't her sister understand that she only wanted to be happy?

The Clan questions her about kits' father when she gives birth. She doesn't want to tell them, but she guesses they already know – they just want to be sure.

"I am their father," declares Shrewpounce. Squirrelflight is glad.

She knows that one day her kits will need to know about their true father. She cannot lie to them about it. But she needs time.