Wish You Were Sober

i wish you were sober

I press the buzzer of Cam's apartment over and over but no one answers. Nothing on the other side, almost like he disappeared.

After the talk with Jason and Mrs. Jones I went straight to Cameron's house. I feel as though the whole day I've been running around like a chicken with its head chopped off. All the information I've absorbed today kind of makes me want to chop my head off. Now I'm standing on the worn down porch of Cam's apartment, pressing this damn button over and over again. I don't even know if he's home but I don't want to leave.

"I can see you from the balcony, go away," I finally hear his voice and my eyebrows raise. Being on the other end of quietness makes a person feel so utterly alone. Hearing his familiar voice shocks me.

"Please buzz me in, we need to talk," I let go of the button and wait for his response.

Be patient.

If he doesn't let me in I don't know what I'm going to do. There wasn't a plan B or even a plan A in my mind, I just knew I had to be here. I had to talk to him before I convinced myself to lock myself away in my room and never come out.

"How'd you even get here?" He questions me, and I close my eyes for a second too long at the memory of him leaving me in that parking lot alone. The same harsh pain sprouts in my chest and I sigh.

"I called my friend, Justin, to pick me up," I feel defeated. Even his tone of voice sounds different, maybe it really is too late. I almost never see him this way. The only time I've ever seen him truly angry with me was years ago. I had forgotten about a movie we were going to see. He waited hours for me to come to the theater and I never showed up. Cam didn't talk to me for days. This is so, so much worse. He'll never talk to me again.

"See, you don't need me, you got home just fine," His tone is made of cement bricks now. I wonder if I said something to tick him off. It's funny he even thinks that though. I wouldn't be here if I didn't need him. I sigh and lean my head on the hard brick of the building. My hair gets stuck to the rough edges but I don't pull away. I hesitate before pushing the button again.

"I... I need you more than you might think," I let go of the button quickly and slap my hand to my forehead.

Ew, why.

Even the thought of my vulnerability makes me cringe. I subconsciously start pacing on the steps of the building when I realize he's stopped answering. The other end is silent and I feel that cold loniness again. I let out an annoyed groan and start to head down the steps, looking at his balcony before turning back around, footsteps heavy. It was stupid of me to think this would work, that this would be some great moment for us, making up for all the moments I've fucking ruined. When I hear the door open behind me I just continue walking, assuming it's just someone else from the building. Someone who's meeting up with their friends or maybe even boyfriend, someone who has it figured out. I turn around when I feel someone flick the back of my head.

"Hey what the h-"

"Truce," His eyes bore into mine as he holds his hand outward. The brown eyes I love are surrounded by red, and I realize he's been crying. I slap his hand to the side and hug him instead. Even though I have to stand on my toes to hug him, I don't care. He's always warm and smells like... Home.

I pull away and take a deep breath to start talking, to explain everything, but Cam pulls me right back into his arms. I collide with his chest, teetering on my toes before he steadies me with his hands on my waist.

"Just a bit longer," He whispers and I smile into his hoodie, relishing in this moment.

All too soon, he pulls back slowly and looks down at me. His arms are still wrapped around my waist as he leans in slowly and kisses my forehead. I can feel the blush form on my face, but I don't say anything.