Grind Me Into Dust

Ocean Eyes

Alyssum couldn't catch her breath. Her chest heaving as her manager took a seat next to her and she sighed. "You know, you don't have to put so much pressure on yourself with this tour. Pull an Ed Sheeran and barely move, that's okay."
Alyssum twisted her head to look at Anna, the beautiful and brainy manager that still just didn't get it. "I was in the hospital with a broken femur and fractured L3, the fact that I can walk is amazing and I know they'll understand if I stood around and I played guitar the entire time but that's not what I want this to be. This is my first tour without Calix, Phil and Liza, I'm terrified but I want the fans, my fans and Silver Linings' fans to know that I'm okay, that I'm working on being better. I'm not just proving it to myself but to them and they're next to impossible to impress."
"But you don't have to go above and beyond what your physical therapist is telling you is safe. You can break your back again bending like that."
"This is the first rehearsal that you're here for. Hayes has been here at every other rehearsal and Harper and him have been working together to make it safe for my back. I'm fine."
"Will Dr. Graves agree with that?" Anna asked playing devil's advocate.
"Definitely not, she'll have me walking around in bubble wrap for the rest of my life if she had her way," Alyssum laughed, taking a bottle of water from one of the dancers she hasn't learned the name of yet. "Thanks," she smiled at him. She has a whole binder of profiles for her dancers that she needed to study before the tour started.
"We have to talk openers."
"No, whoever it is. No. I don't want the label to give me some newbie that's nervous and doesn't know how to work a crowd."
"Ice Nation," Anna said and Alyssum felt like screaming.
"Absolutely not! Roan Iceman is an asshole and I won't have anything to do with him."
"This is why Silver Linings broke up, that attitude."
"Half of Silver Linings is in Ice Nation, how would this separate me from them like I wanted?"
"Maybe play a Silver Linings song to change over from them to you?"
"No. Absolutely not, that's giving the fans false hope and I'm not doing that!"
"Then find an opener that's available and works with your sound. The label needs to announce this tour."
"I know, I don't think Ice Nation is a good match for me. Give me a list of bands that aren't touring and I'll pick whoever I think would fit best."
"Some don't want to go on tour this summer."
"What if they do and they just don't have the opportunity to go on tour?"
Anna rolled her eyes. "I'll see what I can do."
Alyssum smiled sweetly at her. "Thank you."
Three days later, Alyssum picked an artist/ band out of a hat and just handed it to Anna without even looking at who it was because she really didn't care who opened for her as long as there were no members of the former band Silver Linings. Little did she know that they were the least of her worries when she woke up the next morning to a Twitter notification from her own (Anna run) account.
@AlyssumGraves: I am so excited to announce the official dates and cities for my tour along with who's coming with me and the tour name! Head over to my IG at 12 PST to find out! #CGTourAnnouncement
The first thing Alyssum did was text Anna.
Alyssum: Please tell me you have a cool design for the IG announcement.
Anna: It's like you don't even know me sometimes.
Anna: There's a poster and everything.
Alyssum: Who is opening?
Anna: The Delinquents
Alyssum: What?!
Alyssum: They're nothing like me!
Alyssum: The frontman is...
Alyssum: Ew. I can't believe I did the whole hat thing. THIS SUCKS!
Anna: I really wish you weren't so stuck up and judgmental. What if they're the best thing that's happened to you musically?
Alyssum: They're PUNK and I'm edge-pop, there's a difference.
Anna: You and Billie Eilish. That's also not a genre.
Alyssum rolled her eyes, she's a little happier than the melancholy singer, but maybe Anna was somehow right.
Alyssum met the band a week later, having to show them the setup. She got along well with March, the guitarist. The bassist, Murray was an asshole that was only out-assholed by the frontman, Cassidy Cole, which she anticipated with everything the gossip rags say about him. His sister was their drummer and she recently quit so they're looking for a new one that is hopefully not Calix because that would suck, the fiery Latina already hated her.
"Look, Princess," Cassidy said the moment Alyssum demanded they not hire Calix. "I don't want any of my past hookups here either, but we can't always get what we want."
"I never hooked up with Calix."
"No, so it was just Phil and Liza? That's hard to believe."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Alyssum sneered and went to walk away when Cassidy came at her more and that was when Alyssum decided that The Delinquents could tour with her, they just would never get along so as long as she's far away from Cassidy, she's good.
The MTV Movie and TV Awards were fast approaching and they wanted Alyssum and Cassidy to present an award and Alyssum didn't answer for days because she really didn't want to seem chummy because she hated him but Anna told them yes so people would get excited about the tour that started five days after the awards. Maybe if they weren't sold out, Alyssum would care a little more. She still had to go to the Awards because she was performing, so were The Delinquents so why not have them present an award that they would never have?
"As songwriters, writing about love and falling in love is something we do often. With people, with places, with things, it happens a lot," Alyssum started, hating that Cassidy got the good line that comes next.
"And unfortunately as songwriters, finding love also comes with a lot of heartbreak. Unlike us, these movies and moments create hope for everyone, even guys like me," Cassidy smirked and Alyssum practically heard all the panties in the country drop to the floor and it was sickening.
"Here are your nominees for Best Kiss."
The video took over and Alyssum looked over her shoulder, past Cassidy to see the movies nominated.
Cassidy leaned in closer to her to get to the mic and Alyssum tried her hardest not to look uncomfortable or disgusted as he said, "And the winner is..."
She looked down at the envelope he was ripping open and looked down at the movie title. "To All the Boys I've Loved Before!" she called with him and hugging Lara and Noah was cool, listening to their speeches was cool too and unfortunately she shared the experience with Cassidy Cole.
The next week was insane, she continued pushing herself with choreography and making sure she got everything down, she started with weight training too to strengthen her back. Hayes finally agreed to come on tour with her so she could have a physical therapist with her to keep her where she should be instead of her pushing herself too far too fast as she would. She needed someone to have her back, literally.
Cassidy was a problem. She would be rehearsing and he'd show up and judge her, pick a fight over something she was doing or something the tabloids said or her latest Instagram photo or tweet.
The tour started in Miami of all places, but when she was last there, she had the accident and nearly died. The Resurrection Tour was meant to be a new beginning for her. Starting off her first solo tour in the place where her life crashed and burned... it was supposed to mean something other than facing her fear, facing the intersection of the accident. It's that too but different, she's not in the mind space that she was in when it first happened, when she was in recovery when she lost hope.
She's in a better place and going back to Miami was something that she needed to do, it was built up in her head like a monster and going in alone... going in with no backup was something she needed to do for herself.
"You're standing on a street corner."
"Yep."
"Are you going to leave it?"
"I'm trying to understand it."
"I'm pretty sure nothing you just said made any sense."
"This is where I was hit. This is what threw me off the cliff and left me at rock bottom."
"I thought Calix was hit by a car."
"Her first, before we got big and then me eighteen months ago. It's why the band broke up and why Calix and Phil joined Roan Azgeda."
"I didn't know."
"Maybe you should do your research before mocking me for working my ass off for this tour." She spun around and glared at Cassidy, clearly not going to have the opportunity to figure out what happened that night.
"All right, Princess, is that how this is going to be for the next three months? You jumping down my throat when I ask what's going on?"
"You didn't ask! You assumed and that's worse."
"I assumed you fucked everyone in your band and that drove them away? News flash, Princess," he sneered. "Everyone thinks that!"
"God forbid actual feelings be involved. That's right, you don't know what they are because you've never been in a relationship. Why don't you go find the groupie of the night?"
"My sister left the band because of how I talked to her husband, I didn't think he was good enough for her. I learned that lesson. Maybe you shouldn't judge people based off what you read in the tabloids."
"That's rich coming from you and I never made assumptions about your sister. Just you being a womanizer because that's actually true."
"Maybe, but my sister came back if you hadn't noticed and I haven't slept with anyone since the award show."
"Wow, a week. What a feat, I'm not impressed."
"Trying to keep my stamina up for this tour."
Alyssum barked out a laugh. "You think not sleeping around is going to help with that? That's not how it works, Cassidy."
"That's right, you were a pre-med major before getting signed. Tell me, is Dr. Graves still not talking to you?"
"Fuck you," Alyssum spat and headed back inside the arena, getting there early for soundcheck which just meant that Anna was there to tell her the schedule for the next few days.
"You have interviews when we get to Atlanta tomorrow morning, then two shows there before we go to Nashville and do it all over again."
"I know, I remember the tour dates that I made."
"You also know that Hayes is here for any changes you feel you need with your back?"
"Yes, I know that's why he's here."
"He's also been making out with Octavia a lot."
Alyssum smirked, "I bet Cassidy hates that."
"Oh, so you do know they're married."
"No, I was hoping though. She didn't seem like the cheating type and Hayes is very noble."
Anna nodded. "Very true. Care to tell me why Cassidy is glaring at you like you're the devil incarnate?"
"Who's to say I'm not? He thinks he knows me and when he says something he shouldn't know about, I tend to snap at him. I just came from snapping at him."
"Are you at least going to try and play nice during this tour?"
"If he can stop pretending like we've been friends for years, then sure. I'll play nice."
"It's not like the tabloids make it exactly easy for the two of you to not know things about each other that neither of you want the world to know."
"That's not fair."
"Isn't it though? It goes both ways since you're both written about in the tabloids, lied about to sell magazines and luckily half of them are false, but the things that are true, they're the ones that really hit home with both of you."
"So he really is a womanizer then."
"Or it's a misunderstanding. I'm not saying that I know the guy, but his music and his reputation coincide with each other, he's not just going to come out and say he's a relationship kind of guy."
Alyssum scoffed, looking over her shoulder at Cassidy who was talking to one of the stage builders. "He'll probably be coerced into it and then cheat on whomever the poor sucker is so I'm not going to apologize for snapping at him."
Anna rolled her eyes and went to talk to someone about something and Alyssum grimaced about the melody that just came to her. She did need to be writing songs for her next album, but she thought she'd be further into the tour when they came to her, not in Miami after fighting with her opener and getting scolded by her manager about it.