ice in my veins and a fire in your heart

ii

(listen to the provided song for maximum upset, i also highly recommend The Night We Met by Lord Huron)

(takes place during The Beach episode)

The adrenaline coursed through Zuko's veins as they made their way back to Lo and Li's from Chan's house. He was fired up and really felt like he needed to break more things. He couldn't help but think about Nava and how excited she would have been to trash the house. From beside him, Mai grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze. Her palms were soft, a far cry from the calloused and work-weathered hands that Nava had. He fought the urge to pull his hand away.

"Are you okay?" Mai asked softly.

"I'm fine," Zuko grunted without looking at her.

He could feel her disbelieving look on him but he didn't break his gaze from the sand at his feet.

"Zuko..." she started, but he cut her off.

"I said I'm fine," he snapped. He pulled his hand from her grip and stalked ahead.

He heard her sigh and Azula clicked her tongue.

"Trouble in paradise," she drawled to Ty Lee.

They came to the turn off that led the way back to Lo and Li's, but Zuko kept walking.

"I'm going for a walk," he said.

"I'll come with you," Mai said.

"I want to go alone."

There was no answer but Zuko heard quick footsteps following him. He didn't let up his pace but Mai eventually caught up with him.

"What is your problem?" she demanded. "I would have thought that crashing Chan's party would have improved your mood, but I feel like it made it worse. Is this because of your father?"

"No, it's got nothing to do with him," Zuko said. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You can talk to me, you know. It's just us right now."

Zuko remained silent and Mai didn't try to pry. They walked in silence for a little while longer before coming to a small fishing dock that went out to the water. They went to the end of it and sat on the edge with their feet in the water. The sun had long set and only the moon and stars gave them light. Zuko listened to the waves roll in calmly while Mai stared out at the horizon.

"Are you happy, Zuko?" she asked him softly. "Are you happy here? With me?"

"Of course I am," Zuko said all-too-quickly. "Why do you ask? Do you think I'm not happy with you?"

"Honestly? No, I don't. I think you wish you had stayed with your uncle and that archer girl. Azula said you two were close."

"Azula doesn't know anything about how I feel about her," Zuko said shortly.

Mai's head whipped around to face him. "Feel? As in present-tense? You still have feelings for her?"

"No, I don't," Zuko said, but the rest of him disagreed.

She regarded him for a long time. Then, she lowered her gaze to her lap. "Why don't I believe you?" she whispered.

Zuko knew he was lying. He knew that it was unfair to Mai and he knew that he loved Nava, but he didn't love Mai. Not in the way that she loved him.

"Mai, listen..."

"No!" Mai exclaimed. She got to her feet and Zuko hastily followed. Her eyes were narrowed and swimming with tears. "I'm tired of you talking in circles and avoiding my questions. Be honest with me, for once, please. Do you still have feelings for her?"

Zuko hesitated and she scoffed. "You can't even answer me, so you do, don't you?"

"Nava, I -" he cut himself off. "No, I-I mean..."

Mai let out a humourless laugh. "You're unbelievable, you know that? I wish you were rotting in prison too. It's the least you deserve."

She turned and stomped away. Zuko remained where he was and watched her go. She didn't once look back until she disappeared into the darkness. A chill had settled over him but he sat back down with his back to the water. He looked up at the moon. It was half-full but shone with the intensity of a full moon. He felt an ache in his chest, a deep pain in his heart that made him feel like he was suffocating. He missed his uncle. What he wouldn't give for just once piece of advice. Or even just a glance. He put his face in his hands and closed his eyes.

He saw Nava. He saw the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled and he saw the way she bit the inside of her cheek when she was deep in thought. He also saw the way she would flinch whenever someone got too close or too loud around her, or the way she kept close to his and Iroh's sides when they first arrived in Ba Sing Se, gripping a sleeve or in some cases, his hand, when the crowds were too big. She was unapologetically human around him and he adored her for it.

He tried to be happy with Mai, he really did. She had pretty eyes and soft lips and wit as sharp as her knives, but he spent more time longing for Nava than he did appreciating Mai for everything she was. He knew why Mai acted the way she did, and he understood, but they also didn't have as much in common anymore: he thanked the servants while she barely spared them a second glance. She was different around him than she was around Azula, and Zuko didn't want that. He wanted someone that was the same in front of others as they were behind closed doors. He and Mai were different people now, with different priorities. And that was okay. He just wished he realized it sooner.

///

Azula was waiting for him on the balcony when he returned to the cabin.

"What did you do?" she asked him as he came up the steps. "Mai came home crying. She grabbed her things from your bedroom and moved them into mine and Ty Lee's."

"It's none of your business," Zuko said flatly.

"You brought up your Yuyan girl, didn't you? I'm not dumb, Mai had told me she was worried you still had feelings for that one-eyed traitor in a jail cell. I guess she was right. I have to pick up the pieces now, thanks to you. I hope you're pleased with yourself, Zu-Zu, because then at least someone will be."

With that, Azula went inside.

Zuko followed a few beats later and went into his bedroom. Mai's things were indeed taken out, which made the room look emptier than when they had arrived. He sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. He rubbed his eyes and then started to get ready for bed.

In the darkness of the bedroom and under the cool embrace of the blankets, Zuko came to one conclusion:

He had to get his family out of prison.

(a/n: zuko: wants to break something
also zuko: breaks mai's heart

anyway hi!! i really enjoyed writing this and i really hope i was able to make Mai and Zuko's situation semi-realistic without making Mai look like the bad guy. i really love her as a character and i think her and Zuko are an alright couple, so i wanted them to at least have some sort of a romance before i ran it into the ground. oops lol. thank you for reading!! please let me know what you think <3)