'I'm in love with him.'
The words seemed to just fall out his mouth before he could stop himself.
Jikari froze.
He felt his heart rate increase.
Good lord. He messed up.
He fucked up.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
He felt like he just lost everything.
He couldn't be in love.
He couldn't.
He'd lose it all.
The late nights they would spend together, drunk or sober, just talking.
The walks they would go on just to see one another.
The rare occurrences where Edith would be openly affectionate towards him.
It felt like he'd lose that.
He'd lose the only thing he had ever loved.
The only thing that ever made jikari feel like himself.
He'd lose it.
His safe space.
Jikari felt like he'd lose everything.
In that moment he felt himself panic.
He quickly felt tears prickle in his eyes.
He couldn't cry.
Not now.
Not ever.
He blinked back tears, blocking out all sounds.
He was panicking.
He couldn't control himself.
He started tugging at his hair, pulling at it, hoping to calm himself down.
It wasn't working.
He couldn't calm down.
He'd lose the only thing he had ever loved.
He'd lose ediths smile.
He'd lose his eyes.
He'd lose his laugh.
He'd lose how he would rest his head on his shoulder.
He'd lose the times Edith would hesitate to grab his hand.
He felt like crying, but he couldn't.
He couldn't cry.
He wanted to rip out his hair.
Everything he had.
It would be gone.
He couldn't admit his feelings.
Not now.
Not ever.
He couldn't lose Edith.
YOU ARE READING
jikari okane oneshots
Fanfictionthis is literally me just shoving all my jikari (and Edith) bs into a book read it if u want ig but it's mostly for bestie connor
