Bonded to you

4/17

You ended up leaving Alexandria.

You didn't know if you would feel less miserable anywhere else, you doubted it, but you could try. You knew that, once you would start to show and people found that you were pregnant, they would start to wonder about the father, and you didn't want that. You also feared that Michonne might put two and two together after your breakdown in the woods when Daryl left, and you were sure she wouldn't agree with you not telling Daryl about his baby, and you also feared that if she knew, she'd tell him herself.

So, you left.

You considered going to Hilltop, but you thought it'd be the same, too many people knew you. And so you ended up in Oceanside. You remembered that fight you had with Daryl, in which you told him that if he didn't care about you and what you did, then you'd leave and go sunbathe in Oceanside...you might as well just live up to your word.

Michonne was confused about why you were leaving, but she seemed to think it had something to do with Daryl and his absence, which wasn't far from the truth, and so she seemed to accept that you needed space and a new place and life. Siddiq was worried, but you didn't let him talk you out of it, and you made him swear he wouldn't tell anyone about your pregnancy. He was your doctor, and so he ought to keep your secret, whether he liked it or not.

You were apprehensive about going to stay at Oceanside, though, you couldn't help it, but even though the women there seemed a bit confused, they all welcomed you. They seemed to think that you were mourning something, or someone, which was kind of true, and that you might need a change of air, and so they helped you adapt.

When they found that you were pregnant, you knew they had a thousand questions that they didn't ask, letting you be, but you heard the rumors anyway. Some seemed to think that you had fled an abusive relationship, others thought that the baby father had died, while others thought you might be pregnant after a one-night thing, and others thought you might have wanted to have a kid on your own. You never said anything.

It wasn't that bad of a life, though, you had been given a small, pretty cottage that faced the beautiful beach, and despite the gossip, the women were kind, and so even though your heart was broken and you were afraid of the future and what it might bring to you and the baby, you slowly began to adapt and get used to your new life at Oceanside.

Weeks passed, turning into months, and you wondered if you would ever stop feeling that pain in your heart that seemed to be always with you, that way in which you couldn't stop missing Daryl, even though thinking about him and about his rejection hurt so much, even though that, as months passed, your sadness was also turning into bitterness, and you were not only sad but angry at Daryl too...which didn't help you to forget and move on.

You couldn't believe that you had ever cared for Daryl as you had done, that you had loved him as you did...only to have his indifference thrown to your face, only to have him leaving without a goodbye, to have him not even looking at you when you tried to talk to him.

Whenever you wondered if this was a mistake, if maybe you should have told Daryl about the baby, if maybe it wasn't too late and you could try to find him and tell him that you were pregnant of him, no matter that you were scared of his reaction, you remembered the last time that you had seen him, how he had walked away from you without a word, without even a look...

No. You couldn't deal with that, with his indifference and his resentment. You could raise the baby alone. You wanted Daryl out of your life. You needed it.

*

Things went a bit better after you had your baby, if only because you were enamored with her. You didn't know how you could love someone so much already, but she was perfect, and thanks to her, your heart was full of love again, and your smile was back on your face. She had Daryl's eyes, though, lovely and pretty, but a permanent reminder.