We'd Do It Again

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STEF POV

"Yaya?" I hear my granddaughter say as I look up from my book glancing at her. As usual we are spending our night reading together on our living room couch as she has her feet in my lap and I smile softly at her.

"Mm babe?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask my anything. You know that love." I say as she puts her book down on the coffee table and sits up. I do the same realizing it is something serious as I take my reading glasses off moving closer to her. "What's on your mind baby? Mm?" Her giant eyes look into mine for Baby Stef was always a straight shooter no matter what and had no problem saying what was on her mind and I knew it could be anything especially based on what had been going on the last few weeks.

During the last few years, and especially the last few months she had been asking Lena and I questions  that we didn't feel were our place to answer. The both of us always felt Callie should tell her where she came from, who her father was, but right now it was looking as if Callie might not ever be able to do that and Lena and I weren't sure how much longer it was fair to let Baby Stef wait. We already had to talk to her years ago about sex, her period and array of other topics that I wanted to leave for Callie but time was no on our side in terms of that.  And Roxy was right, in the fact that if we didn't tell her she would go looking for it from somewhere else.

"When you were in prison, well, how old was my Mom. I can't remember sometimes."

"It's ok you have every right to ask about your Mom baby, but she was seventeen love." I answer as she begins to play with her fingers as I can see the gears working in her head.

"She was different then?"

"She was quiet, and very sweet. Very soft spoken and she had a beautiful singing voice. Much like yours." I smile as the memory of when Callie first sang to me is like a knife in my heart as Baby Stef's eyes never leave my face.

"Yaya?"

"Mm?"

"Would you still help her, if you knew what was going to happen?"

"What do you mean babe? Mm?" I ask hearing Lena walk into the room and take a seat on one of the chairs for I knew she must have heard our conversation from the kitchen.

"Well, she was different right? Was she nice?"

"She was very sweet love. Yes, and she was very excited but nervous to have you. But, she was very excited at the same time. The only thing she was nervous about was who you were going to live with."

"Well, I remember her telling em she wanted me to live in a prison program and that you were helping her get into it. But that it was hard, really hard to get into so I lived with Nana Ross daughter."

"Yes, you did. And she brought when you were well enough to visit and be around people. You were in the hosptial for a bit when you were born, you were born a little early, but you were strong. Very strong, just you wanted to come early." I smile as she returns it. "And we all prayed very hard for you sweets, and we prayed for your Mama  and she was ok too." I play with her long brown hair as she looks at Lena who moves to sit beside her.

"You were beautiful and amazing. And we loved you." Lena says as Baby Stef smiles and looks back at me.

"Yaya?"

"Yeah love?"

"If you knew she was going to be sick, if you knew she was going to be sick, and start to act like this to us, and be really awful to you and Nana had you still helped her?" Her voice is honest, as I glance into Lena's eyes as her face grows sad. I was hoping to god this little girl didn't hear me say I wish I never met Callie. Fuck.

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