I can't breath. I feel trapped. I wanna disappear. I can't tell anyone. I'm so selfish.
I need to act normal for everyone or I'll worry them. Or worse, they won't even care and turn a blind eye. I can get through this my own. No need for help, that's stupid. No one will listen anyways. I'm so selfish, there's people out there that has it worse. If I tell anyone They'll think I'm an attention seeker. I don't want that. I feel so alone.
I can't sleep at night. I'm failing, not eating, and losing myself little by little. I feel like I'm underwater.. I can't breath. I feel uncomfortable around big crowds. I hate going to school. I don't talk to anyone anymore. They haven't noticed anything wrong about me. Do they even care about me? Does anyone care about me? I'm worthless. I see other peoples lives, it's so much more happier than mine and they look like they have it all easy already. My room's a mess. I haven't showered in days. I have no motivation to eat and what not. I've grown sick.
I've prayed to God that he would fix me or just make me not wake up the next day. Every night... I would pray to him for those simple requests. Why hasn't he done anything? Is he real? Not even him would help me. I'm so useless. Why was I ever born.. I don't deserve to be here. This whole life was a mistake. Is it such a big request, God? I need help. I have no one though. I've tried talking to friends. They left me on seen or they talked about their own problems. I wanna be happy again. When was I happy? I can't even remember... it's been so long. I haven't left my room yet. When will this end? Anyone... I need someone.
I'm on social media all day. Scrolling and scrolling, looking at prettier girls and their happy lives. I wish I was them, why can't I be them? How can I be that pretty? I feel... insecure now. No tears coming down. Only pain. They're so perfect. I wanna feel safe, is that too much to ask for? I wanna make friends. No one talks to me, they think I'm weird. Am I making this hard for myself? Am I the one abusing me? Why am I doing this? How did I come to this? So many questions for one person to find out. I want them answered, therapists are expensive. My parents won't understand. Chair... rope... should I end it?
