What started out as a YouTube comment on a lyric video to one of Hillsongs worship playlists; suddenly became an overly-expressive, personal prayer that I later stopped and decided was too publicly detailed then saved to my 📋 for this very reason... a simple blog entry that I'd like to call a "Jesus&Me time" type thing!
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*For some reason this song is stuck on repeat as I have it casting from my phone to Roku/tv... Hmmm.
-- Abba, are you speaking to me right now?? Cause I definitely sense the Holy spirit and know you're disappointed In my lacking obedience. Although I have been sinning and ignored mine & Yeshua's prayer/fasting I can't help but confesse the importance of my need for your hand in disciplinary guidance and help rebuild my strength, because I'm struggling with specific mental instability and validation throughout imbalanced understanding and most importantly, I need a refreshment to knowing the definition of reassurance when it comes to my maturity in adulthood because i seem to be missing a few facts and brain-smarts towards humble attitude when developing feelings and working up to building an everlasting relationship bond (in other words: becoming seriously involved with another person and/or significant other) aKa My JoJo ...Not to mention the importance to remind myself NOT to act/be so self centered and observed so I can keep a relationship going and grow old with whomever my Future Husband may be (JoJo?) In conclusion; I know I need to commit to showing better efforts, step up like a real 31yo woman and start taking more consideration on not only his behalf but all my peers and lovedones. Even educated n professional counseling/doctor/misc. of whatever sort... anywho.
Aside from all that weight underneath my chest I will admit to my disobediance towards you and my faith as well.. yes Ive been running and not walking in the right path; not abiding by Your word for several months or 2/3- of all four seasons... (Not making much sense but this is my prayer and you know my heart and guilty conscience)
Lord, I understand and know there's no getting past inexcuseable behavior and I'm grown/smart enough to know what is right and where all wrong doing // lying// sinning leads to in the midst of the enemies camp ..... So I shld dummy up and get my Stuff together, stop acting like a child n not run wild like a chicken with no head... Yes I hear u when you're calling because u show me in reminder like karma beat me w/ a broomstick or worse . ... each time I face a struggle and my guilty conscience gets the best of me to where I'm caught up in my own deceit/secrecy... Irregardless, plz know that eventho I keep falling back and haven't kept my word on making full sacrifices or giving up on many accounts, habits, improvement, and all that applies behind this subject.. I am listening when you call or set me straight whenever you do.. I don't deserve your Mercy endurance or expect to receive Forgiveness considering the fact that I continuously rebel n Fall off track .... However I do mean it when I say I realized my fault in the things that ppl see/criticize (flaws, failures) and want to work on making changes for the better of not just myself within but to receive ur anointing in Renewing my mind, sickness and heart, I don't want to become weak once again. Nor lose anyone I care about whom also cares much more for me inside and out.... And if I really try to focus on this prayer n my words/favor that I'm asking to help work on my flaws n such... I know I'll change eventually if theyre patient enough to see it through. I love my JoJo, alot. He needs your truth n guidance within as well... Please don't let him misunderstand/underestimate me or Our future if we're meant to be. He's my strength and balance like you and my momma and my Pops.
Well lord, It's getting pretty late and I need to relax my hands and head.. if I don't I'll never stop texting. I love u and thank you for all you do for Us in this world. P.s. - keep working in all our lives and touch each person in need of healing (physical+mental), Keep our gv'nt safe, strong and united in Your power/strength/stability, bless each country/city/town/monument landscape/ocean in all courdinates from North to South hemispheres, and all around the 90∆360° equatorial geometry that I don't understand .. LOL. Ok now im Rambling nonsense. Gotta get some shut eye... Plz dnt mind this side of my written shenanigans.... Goodnight Abba, love and thankfulness from the bottom of mine and JoJos corazones together.
-always blessed + smilng;
Your Daughter,
L.
