Forget Me Not (Discontinued)

Chapter Twenty One: Home

I wake up to Satoru's tight embrace; the way he's holding me it's almost like he's scared that I might vanish at morning's first light. Our limbs are entangled every which way. I rest my head against his warm chest as I listen to his gentle heartbeat. Suddenly I feel his fingers gently comb through my tangled hair.

"Morning baby~" I pull back out of his embrace and look at him; his white hair shines in the golden light of the rising sun. His impossibly beautiful crystal blue eyes reflect the radiance of the golden dawn. I didn't truly realize until now how overwhelming Satoru's beauty is. "Baby, is something wrong? You've been staring at me for a while."

I recover myself and sign, You're just so impossibly pretty.

Within seconds Satoru's entire face flushes a bright cherry red. He promptly buries his head in between my breasts and groans, "You seem to say whatever's on your mind, huh..." My lips quirk into a small smile; he glances up from between my cleavage, "So what do you wanna do today?"

How about the botanical gardens and the shopping arcade?

He kisses my cheek lightly, "Works for me. Try not to scare too many deer."

I sign to him, I'm not trying to scare them though. I'm doing all I can to suppress the urge to hunt them down and cook them on a spit over a campfire.

"Yeah...it doesn't sound like you've been trying to suppress those intrusive thoughts..." he stands up and heads to the bathroom. He pauses in the doorway, "Are you hungry?" I nod. "Good, there's this cafe I wanna check out."

☕️☕️☕️🦌☕️☕️☕️

All of the nearby deer scatter once they sense that I'm near. Some of the deer even take their chance with running out into traffic to get away from me. Satoru made sure to film all of the chaos and send it to his students. We make it to the cafe after my mere presence instigated much of the chaos with the deer on the island.

"I can't help but wonder how many deer you had to kill to garner this much fear...is it like an aura of predatory intent or did you bathe in the blood of one hundred deer?" My fiancé asks, finding amusement in my predicament. I rest my head on the table. "Aw baby, it's alright. I think it's pretty cool that you have this whole wild animal aura that scares the local wild life." He gently pats my head.

I sit up and sign to him, I kind of wanted to pet at least one. Guess that won't be happening.

Sipping my tea mournfully I watch as other people pet the deer and feed them cookies. The moment I lock eyes with one of the deer it runs away from the people feeding them.

"Damn, I never took your family to be big on hunting."

We're not. My mom didn't even know how to skin a rabbit when we first started living off the grid.

"Then how did you guys survive for so long?" He asks.

Where we were camping out was actually quite close to a small Ainu community in Semboku. The Matagi there taught us how to hunt and basically survive in the mountains. In turn my mother exorcised cursed energy whenever it occurred in their community. Actually they're the main reason for how we were able to get to Tokyo in the first place. They lent us some money for the trip. I smile a little while thinking back to the yearly winter hunts; when my brother and I would listen to the Matagi talk about their tense battle with a bear while my mother helped with cooking some Ohaw with everyone.

"Do you consider that place to be more of your home than Tokyo?"

Why do you ask?

"It's just, you had this deeply content but nostalgic look on your face when talking about Semboku."

I don't really know if my home is a specific place. The Kubo estate was long ruined for me since day one with my father's abuse. While I enjoyed my time in the forests with my mother, brother and the Matagi, I still can't say that's my home either since it always felt temporary. In the back of my mind I always knew that the moment the police or someone from Jujutsu society found us, we'd have to pack up and leave. I don't know if I've ever felt at home anywhere. I look deep into his eyes, searching for an answer, Satoru, what does a home feel like?

His azure eyes widen at my strange question; as though he is also in search of the answer to my questions. "...to be perfectly honest, I don't know."

I sigh and smile bitter sweetly at him, I guess we're both hopeless.

He returns the smile and takes my hand in his, "Yeah, I guess we are. At least we're hopeless together." He stands up and pulls me to my feet, "While I don't know if I can do much about petting the deer, let's go enjoy everything else this island has to offer."

I grab my muffin and follow after him as all the deer sprint out of our vicinity.

🌺🌺🌺🦌🌺🌺🌺

We walk along the trails at the botanical gardens. I strangely take the lead on this hike and drag Satoru along with me. The closeness to nature once again ignites a sort of nostalgia within me. I can't help but want to go deeper within the forest and never be found again.

Those intrusive thoughts are interrupted by Satoru grabbing my wrist and panting, "Can we take a break? Fuck I haven't done this much uphill walking in a while."

We both sit down and lean back against a large moss covered tree. I sign to him, Sorry for dragging you around. I got too caught up in my surroundings.

He ruffles my hair and says, "It's fine, I'm just not that used to this kind of terrain. I much prefer the flat concrete of the city." 

I think I found the exact word to describe what I feel in general about homes and even the past. His summer sky eyes watch my hands intently as I postulate my current conundrum. What I feel about home or just my past in general is Hiraeth. Apparently it's a welsh word that means, homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, and the grief for the lost places of your past. That's how I feel in general since I never knew what home was, I can't even tell if it's right in front of me or in the past behind me. What if I never know?

At that exact moment Satoru pulls me into a tight embrace, "Welcome home Takara." I feel my heart warm and I shut my eyes as I hold onto him with everything I have. "Our home can be our arms. It can be our house back in Tokyo. We can go live in the woods together and have a home. From now on, we're each other's home." 

I think to myself as I enjoy his warmth in this sweltering summer heat that I'm home.