Goodbye, Partner

Chapter 11: Walk

It was three days after his dream with Hinata. He hadn't slept a wink since then. He was sitting in his bed in darkness, his face wet with tears, his body shaking and his hands twitching. He hoped that the dark blue volleyball keychain would help, but it was in his jacket pocket and he was unable to move. The unstoppable and unexplainable beeping noises and voices were ringing in his head, and Hinata's words from the dream were haunting him. He buried his nails deep into the flesh of his left arm and stared at the blood coming out.

"He's waiting for me," he whispered in a shaky voice, "and he told me to hurry."

He reached into his bag, pulled out his pencil case and took out his sharpener, with one goal in mind.

He watched himself slowly take it apart and press the shiny blade on the skin of his wrist. The amount of tears made his vision blurry as he pressed the blade. It stung and hurt, but he didn't care. He saw a red dot appear on his white skin. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. He then relaxed his hand and let go of the blade. He lied on his back and wiped away some of the tears.

"What the fuck am I doing?"

After he calmed down, he wrapped his wrist with bandages and went to sleep. No one would even notice.

~~~

Kageyama's alarm woke him up from his light sleep. The sun hasn't risen yet, and it was cold in his room. He lazily turned off the annoying beeping machine and grazed at the calendar on the wall. January 7th, 2013. Remembering the date, he sighed. It wasn't an annoyed sigh, not even a sad one. It was more of a reaction like when a student would wake up on the day of a test he has been studying for. He knows everything is alright, but there's a pinch of nervousness and even excitement in him.

Since the night when he had the dream about Hinata, every single day, he had been hearing weird beeping noises and inaudible voices talking in his head. He didn't tell anyone about this, as he was sure he had gone insane.

He didn't completely give up, though. Every day, he would wake up at 5.30, go for a run and buy groceries. This gave him a feeling of purpose. Like every day was a small step, one little challenge he had to overcome to reach his goal. He wasn't completely sure about what the goal actually was, but he hoped it was overcoming the tiring emotions he had been having since the accident. Of course, there were mornings when he just wanted to stay in bed and simply disappear, but every single day, he made himself do his routine, hopefully leading him to a more normal life.

This morning was no different. But there was no need for acting. No need for 'making himself get up'. He was strangely at peace. For the first time in a while, when he looked at the dark blue volleyball keychain sitting beside his bed, instead of feeling his chest tighten and heart beating faster, he gently smiled and warmth filled his heart. He was simply thankful for having it.

He stood up, made his way to the bathroom through all the boxes, changed and got ready for going outside. He put on regular clothes, he wasn't going to run that day. He also didn't need to pack his bag and get his uniform ready, he wasn't going to school either.

He put on his big black scarf and left the house.

The sun still hasn't risen, but the sky was bright. The piercing cold air came upon his face and fingers. At first, he just stood still and bore the pain, but as soon as he realized what he was doing, he covered his face with the scarf and put his hands in his pockets.

His first destination was a flower shop several kilometers away. There was one closer to his house, but that one didn't have the kind of flowers he wanted to buy. He wasn't completely sure why the other flower shop had sunflowers in the middle of winter, but he was glad it did.

So he began his walk. In his right pocket, he was holding the dark blue volleyball keychain. At this point, it had become more of a habit than a coping mechanism. His thoughts weren't negative and he was still feeling peaceful.

He picked out the single most beautiful sunflower and bought it with a smile on his face. He walked back and went to a school. It was still closed and students hadn't come yet. He gazed at the school gymnasium and at the entrance of the school. There were a few small candles lit up. He went to a quiet park overlooking the sea. He sat on a bench at the edge of the park. He watched the pretty colours of the sunrise fill the morning sky and enjoyed the scent of winter. On the way to his next destination, he had to walk across a certain road. He could have simply walked around it and take a different route, but he chose not to. As he waited for the light to turn green, he eyed a certain spot in the middle of the road. When the light turned green, he continued his journey.

He then finally got to his final stop. He stood in front of the big metal gate. His heart started beating faster and he felt like he couldn't breathe, but he was quick to calm himself down.

He entered and slowly walked around, searching for what he came there to see. He finally found it and stopped in front of it.

"Hinata Shōyō, June 21, 1996 – January 7, 2012"

Kageyama looked at the ground and bowed his head.

"Hey, Hinata," he whispered, "Long time no see."

He came closer to the grave and gently touched the stone.

"I came to, uh..." his voice trembled as a lump formed in his throat, "give you this."

He put the sunflower on the ground. He stared at it for a couple of seconds and tears welled up in his eyes. He clenched his teeth, covered his eyes with his hand and lifted his head. He shakily sighed.

He walked back and looked at the grave, as he held the dark blue volleyball keychain in his hand.

"You've told me..." his voice was quivering and he was frowning, "You've told me so many times that I was awesome. But you were the awesome one."

He desperately tried to stop his tears as he knelt down. He stared at the ground and placed one hand upon it.

"I was so alone... And I owe you so much."

He bowed his head and let the tears flow.

"I'm sorry" he whispered in a breath. "I just wish you had another chance."

He then completely broke down in tears, as he was silently gasping for air.

He stayed like that for a couple of moments and then got up. The cold air hit his cheeks, wet from the tears, and the sudden light pain made him come back to his senses.

He sighed.

"I came here to tell you that I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore. This place... is too much. There's too much of you in it."

He closed his eyes and frowned a bit.

"So this is the last time I'm seeing you."

He opened his eyes, walked closer to the stone and knelt down.

"Before I go," he said, placing something on the ground next to the sunflower, "You lost this."

He got up, gently touched the stone and smiled. A single tear slid down his face.

"Goodbye, partner."

He then walked away, leaving behind nothing but a poor little sunflower and a dark blue volleyball keychain.